”I couldn’t have more lawyers lined up at my door if I were leaking tobacco from my breast implants.”
JIMMY JAMES (STEPHEN ROOT), after an editorial incited violence, on NewsRadio

”In Washington State, elementary school teacher Mary Kay LeTourneau pleaded guilty to having sex with a sixth-grade student…. Miss LeTourneau has been branded a sex offender, or as the kids refer to her, ‘the greatest teacher of all time.”’
NORM MACDONALD on Saturday Night Live

”My father’s not that deep…. He thinks the moral of the Adam and Eve story is don’t eat when you’re naked.”
RAY (RAY ROMANO) on Everybody Loves Raymond

”One of the Spice Girls may leave the band and pursue a solo career. She said, ‘I think it’s about time to go out and suck on my own.”’
CONAN O’BRIEN on Late Night