The 15 hottest topics the week of August 1, 1997

1 AIR FORCE ONE President Harrison Ford’s plane gets hijacked. Congress holds months of hearings on what to do.

2 ANDREW CUNANAN Police say the suspected serial killer may be disguised as a woman. Who does he think he is — Bonnie and Clyde?

3 NONSMOKING CRUISES Carnival has announced its new ship will be entirely smoke-free. That must mean teenagers aren’t allowed on board.

4 DAVID CARUSO He’s returning to series TV this fall. Rob Lowe kept beating him out for the good movie parts.

5 WOOLWORTH The five-and-dime is closing its doors. The worst part will be explaining to kids what a dime is.

6 BOGEY The post office will honor Humphrey Bogart. Not only a stamp, but 40 years after his death it’ll finally deliver his mail.

7 T#@s ABC may be the first network to allow a vulgar word for breasts. On its new show, Little Whorehouse on the Prairie.

8 MISS AMERICA The pageant is permitting two-piece bathing suits. How ”with it.” What’s next — hair that moves?

9 GOOD BURGER Two fast-food joints are trying to put each other out of business. Is it a movie or a bunch of television commercials?

10 LILITH FAIR The all-female version of Lollapalooza. How long before the Citadel band sues to play?

11 MARS ROVER One day it does everything it’s told; the next it won’t cooperate at all. No wonder they named it after a dog.

12 THE GIFT OF FEAR A new book says the body warns us when we’re in danger. It says, ”I told you to learn karate.”

13 MARTHA’S VINEYARD Hundreds of members of the press will follow President Clinton there. And then complain how overcrowded it is.

14 QUEEN ELIZABETH The 71-year-old monarch likes to surf the Net. Knowing the Royals, she’s probably having cybersex.

15 TOM BROKAW He’s expected to stay with NBC News for an estimated $7 million over five years. Of course, the cast of Seinfeld had to approve the deal.