Mr. Rogers turned 69 years old today. You can tell he’s getting old because he told his TV audience, ‘You can be my neighbor but stay the hell off my lawn.'” — Conan O’Brien on Late Night

President Clinton fell down some stairs [and] tore a tendon in his right knee. At least that’s what the government is saying. Today, former ABC newsman Pierre Salinger says he thinks that Clinton was hit by a Navy missile.” — Jay Leno on The Tonight Show

It’s a lot like a frat house: Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” — Ray (Ray Romano), describing life with three toddlers, on Everybody Loves Raymond