What the country is talking about this week ...

1 George Bush The President went recreational skydiving for the first time at age 72. But he chickened out of visiting Greg Norman’s house.

2 The English Patient It got nine Academy Awards. Of course, the HMO will only pay for two of them.

3 Buffy the Vampire Slayer A high schooler takes on the undead. Do you try out for that, or is it based on grades?

4 Grape Juice One study claims it’s better for your heart than red wine. But should we drink something like that without years of research?

5 The Devil’s Own Policeman Harrison Ford has no idea that his friend Brad Pitt is an IRA terrorist. He thinks he’s in Riverdance.

6 April Fools’ Day Shouldn’t this be April 15?

7 Al-Agreek Two California frats have announced plans to be liquor-free by the year 2000. Don’t beta on it.

8 Teen tattoos We have a simple rule. You can’t get one until you’re old enough to go to a real prison.

9 Stairmaster Butt Some say it’s one of the many dangers of too much exercise. That and NordicTrack toe.

10 Spring Break College kids take a well-deserved vacation from binge drinking on campus by binge drinking on the beach.

11 B.A.P.S A send-up of Black American Princesses. It’s good clean sexism — not that bad old racism.

12 The Balding Pill It makes men think their hair looks better and turns them into lousy lovers. Who needs that when we have beer?

13 Jessie Foveaux The 98-year-old Kansan just sold her first book for $1 million plus. It’s called What’d You Say? Speak Up!

14 Comet Hale-Bopp They say it’s a chunk of dirty ice 25 miles across. Something big out there is defrosting its fridge.

15 Michael Jackson The pictures of his son, Prince, prove one thing: He’s got his father’s mask.