”Ken Burns is the only guy who can make something more boring than a baseball game — a documentary about baseball.” — Munch (Richard Belzer), dissing Brodie’s (Max Perlich) documentarian idol, on Homicide

”NFL matchups for the next weekend: the Patriots vs. the Jaguars. The Packers vs. the Panthers. The People vs. the Dallas Cowboys.” — David Letterman on Late Show

”This is the fulfillment of a lifetime dream to be on the same network that aired The Ropers.” — Bill Maher, debuting on ABC with Politically Incorrect

”Yesterday, Elizabeth Dole returned to her job as president of the Red Cross. Meanwhile, Bob Dole returned to his job as president of the Matlock fan club.” — Conan O’Brien on Late Night