Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet
The 15 hottest topics the week of August 9
1 Kerri Strug She and our other female Olympic gymnasts could end up on a Wheaties box. Actual size.
2 ”Public Morals” The latest dirty-mouthed TV show. If I want to hear that kind of language, I’ll listen to the radio, thank you very much.
3 ”Matilda” Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman play a nice girl’s stupendously tacky parents. Based on The Tori Spelling Story.
4 ”The Last Don” Mario Puzo says all he knows about the Mafia is from research. At the Luca Brasi Memorial Library.
5 Mickey Rooney The world’s oldest child star has filed for bankruptcy. No one wants to see Old-Age Home Alone.
6 ”Songs in the Rough” A book that collects first drafts of famous rock tunes written on the backs of envelopes and other scraps. They mustn’t allow paper in rehab.
7 ”Emma” Clueless set in the 19th century. Asith if.
8 Key Straps The latest hip-hop fashion accessory lets you hang your keys around your neck. You’ll never lose that Phi Beta Kappa one again.
9 ”Baywatch Nights” David Hasselhoff says they’re going to go sci-fi next season. Because The X-Files never shows aliens with huge breasts.
10 ”Chain Reaction” = The Fugitive – the one-armed man + secret formula x Keanu Reeves [divided by] ID + Mission: Impossible.
11 Leann Rimes The 13-year-old has a voice like Patsy Cline. Pretty soon, she’ll probably have money like Calvin Klein.
12 ”House Arrest” Some kids lock their divorcing parents in their room till they learn to behave. Other kids do it just for fun.
13 Nasal Passage A tabloid claims a certain King of Pop’s nose fell off while filming a video. He should have gone to the Nose Club for Men.
14 ”New York Undercover” The two stars reportedly threatened to quit unless they got big pay raises. They’d never get that kind of publicity for their acting.
15 NBC’S Atlanta Coverage They don’t clutter it up with competitors from other countries. That’s the Olympic spirit.