Two-Bits & Pepper

The made-for-video kidflick Two-Bits & Pepper has something to turn off every member of the family. There’s the doubly obnoxious Joe Piscopo as bumbling twin kidnappers. There are the two smart-mouthed little girls who are too bratty to be worth a ransom. There is the too-cute talking pony Two-Bits and his grumpy pal Pepper. There’s the kids-versus-kidnappers plot, which lamely gallops along between Home Alone-style slapstick and heavy-handed tearjerking. And there’s Two-Bits clinging to dear life on a blood-drenched operating table. Are we having fun yet? D