1. MICHAEL JORDAN
He’s coming out with his own cologne: L’Air Jordan.
2. THE TREKKER JUROR
She showed up at the Whitewater trial in Star Trek drag. Thank God she wasn’t a Baywatch fan.
3. SLY STALLONE
He’s turned down big bucks so he can act instead in an arty film — Enchanted April II: First Blood.
4. COMET HYAKUTAKE
An amateur discovered it just by using binoculars. It’s right by Miss Hamada’s bedroom window.
5. BOSTON COMMON
A rube moves to the big city. That’s not a TV show, it’s Bob Dole’s campaign.
6. THE HEF CHAIR
The Playboy founder made a $1.5 million endowment to USC. It’ll help less fortunate coeds pay for breast implants.
7. THE 911 DOG
She phoned the medics for her unconscious owner. What, she couldn’t learn CPR?
Sharon Stone and Isabelle Adjani commit the perfect crime. They eat gallons of Haagen-Dazs and don’t exercise.
9. SPIKE LEE’S GIRL 6
Life in the phone-sex business. It’s now so big there’s a new service: orgasm waiting.
10. LAW AND ORDER
A woman with a cold is suing a weatherman over an inaccurate forecast. Her horoscope says she’ll win.
11. ERIC DOUGLAS
He was arrested again for causing a scene on a plane. For someone going nowhere, he sure travels a lot.
12. THE ACADEMY AWARDS
Seen by over a billion people. Don’t feel bad, most of them never saw Leaving Las Vegas either.
13. FLIRTING WITH DISASTER
An adopted man finds his nutsy birth parents. Now he knows how the rest of us feel.
14. JUNK FOOD
A study found that artificial flavoring helps prevent heart attacks. Nobody leaves this table until they finish their Cheetos.
15. BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP CO.
Restaurants based on shrimp recipes from Forrest Gump. The problem is the 53-page menu.