August 18, 1995 at 04:00 AM EDT

”If my ass gets any bigger, it’s going to need its own publicist.”
Larry (Garry Shandling) on The Larry Sanders Show

”According to a new study from Italy, some women are actually able to hear with their breasts. Of course this is great for Italian men, because they talk with their hands.”
Jay Leno on The Tonight Show

”According to a study, men whose wives nag them live longer…. In a related story, next week Frank Gifford turns 86.”
David Letterman on Late Show

”Yesterday the Senate ruled that the Packwood hearings will not be held in public…. Out of habit, Packwood suggested, ‘We could go back to my place.”’
Conan O’Brien on Late Night

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