By Owen Gleiberman
Updated May 12, 1995 at 04:00 AM EDT

It’s desperate to be another Moonstruck, but the only one under the influence of a lunar cycle is the producer who convinced himself that this cement balloon of romantic zaniness would fly. William Baldwin works himself up into spasms of coy hysteria as Garet, a limping, love-lorn misfit who expresses his jealous heart by committing arson. John Leguizamo is a starry-eyed pastry chef who’s only pretending to be a pyromaniac, and Sadie Frost, looking as plain here as she was dazzlingly Pre-Raphaelite in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, is his object of desire. The plot is such a daisy chain of contrivances that it isn’t even clear who should end up with whom; the characters seem to decide to fall in love. By the end, you want to slap everybody on screen and tell them all to snap out of it. D