1 Dunkin’ Donuts They’re putting up ”No Smoking” signs in their stores. What’s next? Deep-fat-fried vitamins?
2 Pamela Anderson The Baywatch actress married Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee. No one wears the pants in that family. Ever.
3 World’s Oldest Person A Frenchwoman is 120. She’s so old, she can remember when the French were nice.
4 Janis Joplin Mercedes-Benz is using one of her songs in a TV ad. It makes me want to buy a VW Microbus.
5 Frank Sinatra They’re selling ties based on his paintings. That’s one way he can say his work hung in the Met.
6 Denver Airport Opening after years of overruns and delays. They must have thought they were working for the military.
7 Madonna She just set a record by charting another No. 1 single. I knew she was just an 11-hit wonder.
8 Magic An addictive card game on the West Coast. It’s so new it doesn’t even have a 12-step support group yet.
9 Greg Louganis I heard a drunk on a car phone tell a talk-radio host, ”He was irresponsible.”
10 Rosa Lopez I saw the white Bronco that night. What van? I’m talking about a horse.
11 John Hinckley’s Book Deal Talk about multidimensional. He’s a would-be assassin and an author.
12 Hideaway Through some psycho mumbo jumbo, Jeff Goldblum can see what a killer sees. Oh, he must get cable.
13 Barings Bankruptcy A trader in Singapore lost nearly $1 billion. What kind of a caning do you get for that?
14 Chevy Chase Only people who haven’t seen his other films will see Man of the House. That’s just about everyone.
15 George JFK Jr.’s new political magazine. Sure it’s a weird name, but Entertainment Weekly was taken.