A Valentine's Day guide to twisted love songs

By Michele Romero and Ethan Smith
Updated February 17, 1995 at 05:00 AM EST

With the unlikely success of Pete Droge’s ultimate passive-aggressive ballad ”If You Don’t Love Me (I’ll Kill Myself),” fans might be on the prowl for more dysfunctional Valentine anthems. No problem: The trail of twisted love songs spans the decades:

*RUTH BROWN ”(Mama) He Treats Your Daughter Mean” (1953) ”Mama, he treats me badly, makes me love him madly.”

*FRANK SINATRA ”Makin’ Whoopee” (1956) ”A lot of shoes, a lot of rice/The groom is nervous: He answers twice/It’s really killin’ that he’s so willin’ to make whoopee.”

*PERCY SLEDGE ”When a Man Loves a Woman” (1966) ”He’d give up all his comforts…if she said that’s the way it ought to be.”

*MEAT LOAF ”Paradise by the Dashboard Light” (1977) ”I swore that I would love you to the end of time!/So now I’m praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive.”

*THE POLICE ”Every Breath You Take” (1983) ”Every move you make…I’ll be watching you.”

*THE SMITHS ”Girlfriend in a Coma” (1987) ”There were times when I could have ‘murdered’ her (but you know I would hate anything to happen to her).”

*GUNS N’ ROSES ”Used to Love Her” (1988) ”I had to put her six feet under…and we’re much happier this way.”

*THE AFGHAN WHIGS ”My Curse” (1993) ”And slave I only use as a word to describe the special way I feel for you.”

*LIZ PHAIR ”F — – and Run” (1993) ”I woke up in your arms/and almost immediately I felt sorry…”

*NIRVANA ”Heart-Shaped Box” (1993) ”Throw down your umbilical noose/so I can climb right back.”

*NINE INCH NAILS ”Mr Self Destruct” (1994) ”I take you where you want to go/I give you all you need to know/I drag you down I use you up…and I control you.”

*SLASH’S SNAKEPIT ”I Hate Everybody (But You)” (1995) ”If I end up getting screwed/I might as well get screwed by you.”