What the country is talking about this week…
1 Junior Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes pregnant. In the backseat of a Humvee, no doubt.
2 Madonna: Innocence Lost The Material Girl’s made-for-TV bio. What happens during the next hour and 59 minutes?
3 Tom Arnold’s Wedding He’s marrying a 21-year-old college student. Isn’t college supposed to make you smarter?
4 Pagemaster Macaulay Culkin’s fans will be disappointed when they find out this movie is about books, not beepers.
5. BOLD “Sony Pictures”] They wrote off $2.7 billion. Finally, business the American way.
6 School Prayer Great idea. Look what it’s done for Bosnia.
7 A Low Down Dirty Shame Keenen Ivory Wayans tries to stay ahead of the Mob. Only to be caught by the critics.
8 A Woman Named Jackie The book says she killed herself and had an affair with Bobby Kennedy. How’d they miss the Satan worship and alien abductions?
9 Anne Rice She’s asked fans to call her about Interview. And she thought Tom Cruise was a bad idea?
10 Tom Jones He’ll be hosting MTV European Music Awards. He might even win one: The Biggest Sock Stuffed in Pants.
11 Camille Paglia With feminists like this, who needs men?
12 Shopping Mania Retailers do one quarter of their business between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Well, who’d buy an ugly sweater in June?
13 Jesse Helms Dole’s given him a new job. It’s to make us remember why the Republicans hadn’t been in power for 40 years.
14 The British Lottery The Queen wanted to win so she could quit working, live in a big house, and wear frumpy dresses.
15 Star Trek Movie Memories More minutiae for Trekkies to obsess over. Well, it keeps them from collecting assault weapons.