The Next Karate Kid (Columbia, PG) This time the kid’s a chick-a pouty teenager named Julie (Hilary Swank) who’s real, like, bummed because her parents are dead (car crash) and she’s stuck living in Grandma’s stupid house and going to a stupid high school patrolled by a stupid cadre of neo-fascist student monitors. Good thing Grandma’s dead husband’s war buddy happens to be Mr. Miyagi (Noriyuki ”Pat” Morita), the Jessica Fletcher of martial arts, who teaches Julie self-esteem through high kicks and such nuggets of wisdom as, ”Answer not important if ask right question.” Huh? Hai! Clearly, three sequels haven’t improved Miyagi’s English, but there is something bitchin’ about seeing a babe give a bully a good thwack. Not that girls will go see this or boys will care. C- LS

The Next Karate Kid
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