December 17, 1993 at 05:00 AM EST

1. Princess Diana
She’s announced she is cutting back on her public appearances next year. Does that mean she’s quitting the gym?

2. Daryl Hannah
Starring in HBO’s Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman. She was going to be 100 feet but she hit the glass ceiling.

3. Roseanne and Tom’s Marriage Hoax
We weren’t fooled. We knew they were morons, not Mormons.

4. Gypsy
Bette Midler pushes her daughter to become a stripper in this Broadway classic. If it were written today, it could be her son.

5. Wayne’s World 2
They say success has gone to Mike Myers’ head. Well, there’s plenty of room for it.

6. National Empowerment TV
A 24-hour channel devoted to conservative thought. What will they do with the other 23.5 hours?

7. Sister Act 2
Oh, those wacky, fun-loving nuns. Where were they when we went to school?

8. Katherine Jackson
Michael Jackson’s mother is appearing on tabloid TV to defend her son. From tabloid TV.

9. Christmas in Washington
Why a TV special now? With all the money they give away, when isn’t it Christmas?

10. Zsa Zsa Gabor
Ordered to pay $2 million for libeling Elke Sommer. Zsa Zsa must be Hungarian for ”kick me.”

11. Sunset Boulevard
Today, Norma Desmond wouldn’t fade away. She’d make infomercials.

12. Russian Elections
Americans are surprised to find they do have automatic voting machines. They look just like our paper shredders.

13. Christmas Gadgets
There’s a device out there that can bake two potatoes at once. We used to have one that could cook 20. It was called an oven.

14. Schindler’s List
The movie that may finally get Steven Spielberg his Best Director Oscar. Like if he wins, he’ll get offered better scripts?

15. Last-Minute Tax Tips
Decisions, decisions. Tax-free municipal bonds or feed the children?

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