1 DEMOLITION MAN Sly Stallone and Wesley Snipes are awakened to play with huge guns that cause big explosions. Who wrote this? Freud?
2 SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA Site of the Summer Olympics in the year 2000. That leaves us only seven years to find enough Australian-to-English translators.
3 HARTS OF THE WEST Beau Bridges moves his reluctant family from the big city to a Nevada ranch. So that’s who’s buying Ralph Lauren’s $125 bib overalls.
4 MALICE Demented surgeon Alec Baldwin cuts out the good parts as well as the bad. Would that come under Clinton’s plan?
5 M. BUTTERFLY Diplomat Jeremy Irons didn’t realize his lover was a man. Now he’s poster boy for ”Don’t ask, don’t tell.”
6 INDIANA JONES Harrison Ford may do a fourth flick. Forget dinosaurs—Spielberg should clone Ford’s DNA.
7 WAL-MART & KMART They aren’t carrying Nirvana’s new disc. They need the room for their ”grunge” clothes.
8 MAURICE SENDAK Some say his new book is bad for kids. Last week it was too much TV. This week it’s too much reading.
9 FOR LOVE OR MONEY Michael J. Fox gets stuck babysitting a hotel guest. You should have reservations about this.
10 BIOSPHERE 2 The occupants lost an average of 29 pounds and got to work at home for two years. Why did they come out?
11 SINATRA’S DUETS ALBUM The Chairman of the Board sings with such stars as Aretha Franklin and Bono. Sir Mix-A-Lot and White Zombie must have been busy.
12 HOME A doctor injected the host and hostess with flu shots from the same syringe. Hey, at least he makes house calls.
13 PRINCE CHARLES’ TV MOVIE He got the Queen’s permission to be frank in a new film: Gone With the Windsors.
14 ROBERT ALTMAN If his movie’s such a big deal, why are there no Short Cuts lunch boxes?
15 MADONNA’S GIRLIE SHOW Sex still sells. If you do it in public, you’re a pop star. If you do it in private, you’re Heidi Fleiss.