1 STREISAND AND AGASSI A May-December romance is one thing. B.C.-A.D. is another. 2 CLINTON IN JAPAN It has been a bumpy trip, and nobody will sit next to him at the dinner table.
3 FREE WILLY A small boy and his killer whale. Fine. But don’t think I’m gonna feed him when you get tired.
4 WHITNEY HOUSTON’S LIBEL SUIT Poor gossip columnists. It used to be enough to spell people’s names right. Now they expect you to get the facts right, too.
5 ROOKIE OF THE YEAR A kid with a 100-mph fastball joins the majors. If only they could find an owner with a 100 IQ.
6 VIOLENCE WARNINGS Congress should consider warning us when a politician is about to be on TV.
7 SPORTS ILLUSTRATED The editors wouldn’t run an ad in the Canadian edition that featured naked men. Their breasts must not have been big enough.
8 WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S II And you thought all the bright dead-body jokes had been used in the first one.
9 BOOKS BY COMPUTERS A Mac wrote a novel in the style of Jacqueline Susann. My laptop couldn’t put it down.
10 THE PIZZA HUT BLIMP That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for anchovies.
11 HOCUS POCUS Kathy Najimy, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Bette Midler as 17th- century witches in modern-day Salem who want revenge. So that explains the Red Sox.
12 MISSISSIPPI FLOODING Why can’t we just pretend it’s a foreign country and send them some help?
13 THE ABA V. LAWYER JOKES Did you hear about the ambulance driver with whiplash? He stopped short and two lawyers rammed him. So sue me.
14 FULL HOUSE TWINS The cloying 7-year-olds have landed a production contract. Spago will have to order booster seats.
15 PAULY SHORE Scarier than Jurassic Park, and more proof that man was not meant to mess with DNA.