What the country is talking about this week…
1 JULIA ROBERTS/LYLE LOVETT What a catch. It’s hard to believe he was still available.
2 DENNIS THE MENACE A bratty kid makes a neighbor’s life a living hell. Why pay for what we can get at home for free?
3 BEAVIS & BUTT-HEAD Virtual stupidity.
4 MUSLIM TERRORISTS They had to come to New York. There’s nothing left to bomb in their own countries.
5 THE FUGITIVE Based on the ’60s TV show about a man on the run for murder. Nineties kids will wonder why he didn’t just plea-bargain.
6 WALTER ANNENBERG HIGH The TV Guide billionaire gave his old prep school $100 million. Most high schools have metal detectors at the door; this one has a cash machine.
7 THE NEW FIRST STEPBROTHER If they can replace George Stephanopoulos, they can sure as hell replace Roger.
8 IN THE LINE OF FIRE Clint Eastwood as a Secret Service agent. You can bet he gets served at Denny’s.
9 TOM CRUISE He plays a good-looking, overpaid young man in The Firm. – Sometimes you can’t even tell he’s acting.
10 SNOW WHITE Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Happy, Grumpy, Bashful, and Doc. No, not the Seven Dwarfs. That’s who’ll be taking care of you under Hillary’s health care plan.
11 PETE TOWNSHEND He’s got Tommy, a new album, and a tour. At his age, any band he plays in should be called the How.
12 THE JERKY BOYS A fast-selling album full of prank phone calls. For this we invented the compact disc?
13 RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS They’ve taken out an ad for a new guitarist: ”Must be able to play seminude while on fire. Musical ability a plus.”
14 SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE A romantic comedy kicks Last Action Hero’s butt. Time to wake up and smell the grosses, Hollywood.
15 ”IT’S HARD TO BE A BABY” A song by a 5-year-old French brat makes it to the U.S. We shouldn’t import anything younger than their cheese.