Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet
1 Di and Charles
An oxymoron: being on a car phone in the back of a limousine, complaining about how miserable life is.
2 Madonna’s movie rating
Do we want kids wasting money on this filth when they can see it on cable for free?
3 Bush giveaways
He’s buying votes. But let’s see how much Clinton will cough up before we make up our minds.
4 Harry Truman
He had a sign on his desk, ”The Buck Stops Here.” Bush has one that says, ”The Bus Stops Here.” Clinton’s says, ”Buck, Stop Here. I Need a Chili Dog.”
5 Jerry Lewis telethons
There must be a less cheesy way to raise money. Like ransoming pets of the elderly or something.
6 Tent cities
Florida’s Hurricane Andrew homeless should make the building inspectors live in them.
7 TV’s Middle Ages
Is it me, or are they filming the close-up stuff out of focus?
8 Nadia Comaneci
Once she was just a refugee gold-medal gymnast who had an affair with the son of Romania’s ruler. But now that she’s an underwear model, she’s on all the talk shows.
9 Prince’s 100 million dollar deal
How much you wanna bet $99 million of it ends up in a swear jar?
10 Bill Cosby
They’re calling You Bet Your Life ”America’s Funniest Game Show.” Is it hard to be funnier than Jeopardy!?
11 Superman R.I.P.
The Man of Steel croaks. He finally saw Superman IV and died of shame.
12 Abba revival
Swedish rock makes a comeback. What will they call the inevitable best-of album — Bjorn to Be Wild?
13 Fay Vincent
Anyone who could keep 28 bosses happy wouldn’t have time to do anything else.
14 Donna Tartt
The rights to her first book, The Secret History, sold for $450,000. You’d have thought she’d written a movie.
15 Virgin Mary sightings
It’s not a good economic sign. She only appears in Third World countries.