Splitsville, USA

Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs, but others prefer depressing tales of marital woe. Here are the top five tunes not to request from your wedding deejay:

“D-I-V-0-R-C-E” Tammy Wynette The Queen of Heartbreak spells out to spare her 4-year-old Joe the awful fate of her marriage. She warbles, ”Watch him smile/ He thinks it’s Christmas or his 5th birthday.” A

“You Better Sit Down Kids”: Cher The flip side of the story: Cher yelps (off-key) the words of a man with bad news about mommy and daddy’s future living arrangements. B-

“Sara”: Bob Dylan Dylan exhales the blues through his harmonica in this remembrance of connubial bliss past. He pleads with his soon-to-be-ex-wife Sara, a ”scorpio sphinx in a calico dress,” to ”forgive his unworthiness.” B+

All My Ex’s Live In Texas”: George Strait This line from Strait’s wry 1987 country hit says it all: ”All my ex’s live in Texas/That’s why I hang my hat in Tennessee.” A

“Take A Letter Maria”: R.B. Greaves In this 1969 soul chestnut, a husband catches his wife with another man and decides to untie their wedding knot. Then he seeks the solace-and steno skills-from his secretary, Maria. B+