What the country is talking about this week… 1 TANYA TUCKER What’s the smallest PAC in the world? Single Republican Mothers for Quayle. 2 JULIA CHILD’S 80TH BIRTHDAY There’s only one problem with French food. A half hour after you eat it, you’re rude again.

3 ARTHUR KENT NBC wants his face, not his stories. Brunets just aren’t used to being treated this way.

4 THE MALL OF AMERICA The biggest shopping center in the USA. I wonder what country makes all the stuff they sell.

5 GARRY SHANDLING His Larry Sanders Show is a send-up of late-night talk shows. Like they need his help.

6 WOODY ALLEN/MIA FARROW BREAKUP ”Woody, they’re playing our song-‘Ma, He’s Makin’ Eyes at Me.”’

7 POTBELLIED PIGS Walking pork rinds. They stopped being cute about 150 pounds ago. Many pig owners are planning vacations to Smithfield, Va.

8 WAYNE NEWTON’S BANKRUPTCY It’s a danke-shame. Maybe he and Willie Nelson can go on tour. In California.

9 JAMES BAKER If he’s that great, why didn’t Bush hire him three years ago?

10 CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS: THE DISCOVERY This is the best movie you can make after 500 years? He’d have been better off discovering Roger Corman.

11 RICHARD HARRIS Why eat health food if you can carouse and end up looking like this? Why doesn’t he look like Tip O’Neill?

12 SPIELBERG BUYS MR. MAGOO Mr. Magoo And people wonder if he’s lost touch. Who wouldn’t pay to see Mr. Magoo killed by a great white?

13 BARBARA BUSH She’d get more votes if she’d dump George.

14 AMY FISHER We need a movie based on her story like we need a hole in the head.

% 15 COUNTY FAIRS Getting back in touch with the simple rural life. If you can find a parking spot.