EW spoofs a Dan Quayle memo to the President -- We envision a world where the VP is the boss of TV

Office of the Vice President
From: Dan Quayle
To: George Bush

Hail, Chief! (Get it?):

Wow! This Murphy Brown thing really took off. The front page of The New York Times two days in a row and we didn’t even have to talk about that S&M crisis. Murphy was a great scapegoat for the L.A. riots, but the way Marilyn sees it, there are gajillions more shows we could talk about during the rest of the campaign, instead of boring economy stuff. Can I be the boss of TV? Please? Here’s what I’d say:

Cheers No more drinking.

Beverly Hills 90210 Dylan should take up golf and stop thinking about getting in that girl’s pants. It worked for me.

MTV More Amy Grant. The old Amy Grant.

Married…With Children I haven’t seen it, but I hear it’s about a nuclear family where the mommy and daddy have sex only to procreate. Don’t change a thing.

In Living Color Hardly any white actors. Get Clarence to look into a reverse discrimination case.

PrimeTime Live Sam Donaldson really burns my butt. Let’s have him audited.

M*A*S*H Make it an Indiana National Guard unit.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air I just don’t trust that wrap music.

Jeopardy! This must be rigged. Not even Marilyn knows half this stuff.

The Simpsons Make Bart an achiever, and proud of it. I know! We could sell Bart T-shirts at the convention!

Hee Haw Make the jokes easier to understand.

The Arsenio Hall Show Pat Sajak was so much better.

Sesame Street Are Bert and Ernie gay or what?

Designing Women Stop making fun of that nice Julia Duffy.

The McLaughlin Group Hate to admit it, but it’s just not the same without Pat.

Roseanne Marilyn says if Roseanne is going to be a good role model for working mothers, we should send her a Talbots catalog.

Jake and the Fatman Get Arnold to do a guest shot and whip that guy into shape.

Embrace the Serpent Let’s do a miniseries of Marilyn’s book about a black Republican. (What an imagination she has!) Hey, G.B. — Can we get Nipsey Russell?

America’s Most Wanted How come the cops don’t arrest those criminals while they’re being filmed?

Saturday Night Live Chief, you were great on there last week!

All for now — see ya on the green!

Murphy Brown
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