Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet
1 Patrick Swayze
City of Joy, the movie version of ”Clean your plate, there are people starving in India.”
2 The Leaky City
It could have been worse. At least the Chicago River wasn’t on fire at the time.
3 Robert Altman
The Player does Hollywood like Spago does pizza. Like Way Bandy used to say, ”When you scratch the surface, there’s always more surface.”
4 The Guy Who Attacked Reagan
He was trying to impress John Hinckley.
5 Arthur Ashe
The right to be left alone should have been the Second Amendment.
6 Jerry Brown’s Parties
That wasn’t pot, you idiot. It was kelp.
7 Euro Disney
It’s just like America except it’s clean and everyone speaks two languages.
8 Def Leppard
Adrenalize should have a warning label: ”If you don’t grow out of this by the time you’re 16, you’re hopeless.”
Evil creatures prowl a high school looking for the blood of virgins. Don’t tell me — they starve to death?
10 Casablanca‘s 50th Anniversary
No spectacular car chases, no foul language, no gratuitous sex. No way they would make this today.
11 Axel Rose, Fugitive
Mr. Macho is afraid to spend a night in jail? He makes Leona Helmsley look positively gutsy.
12 Ren & Stimpy T-Shirts
The hot item for college intellectuals, the ones who wear X caps and carry Bart Simpson key chains.
13 Airfare Reductions
That’s a good start. Now, how about baby-free sections?
14 The Arsenio/Jay Rivalry
You ever hear anybody quote Arsenio the next morning?
15 Brenda Starr
They finished this Brooke Shields movie five years ago. You can’t tell me they didn’t release it because it was so good.