The 15 hottest topics the week of March 27, 1992

1 The Beatty-Bening Marriage
Some women are acting like he was the only single, rich, handsome Oscar-winning producer-writer-director-actor out there.

2 WWF Sex Scandal
A shock to the integrity of professional wrestling.What next — the matches are fixed?

3 Congressional Check Bouncers
Excuse No. 355: ”I knew my secretary couldn’t type, but I didn’t know she couldn’t add.”

4 Tammy Faye-Jim Bakker Divorce
Jim must have called her ”Bubba” by accident.

5 White Guys Can’t Jump
Oh, I get it. It’s okay to make fun of white stereotypes.

6 Ted Kennedy’s Engagement
What a catch — a 60-year-old carouser with a weight problem. Liz Taylor did better at the Betty Ford Clinic.

7 Queer Nation at the Oscars
We’re here! We’re queer! Get…OH MY GOD, THAT’S BARBRA STREISAND!…used to it!

8 Amelia Earhart
New evidence reveals her last radio transmission was ”I thought you bought the gas.”

9 The Yoko Ono Boxed Set
A voice that comes along once in a lifetime. Too bad it had to be ours.

10 Article 99
A movie by the numbers. It should have been 86’d.

11 Movie Stars on Broadway
The thee-a-ta is such a relief from the phoniness of Hollywood, darling. Ta.

12 Barry Diller
He’s gonna buy C-SPAN and add a laugh track.

13 Broccoli
Weren’t you kind of hoping Cheez Doodles would be the cure for cancer?

14 Black Death Vodka
How many times have you said to yourself, ”If only I could drink what Slash drinks”?

15 Spring Break
A good time for the rest of us to visit America’s great museums and libraries. They’ll be empty.