The 15 hottest topics the week of: October 18, 1991

1. Columbus Bashing
Very chic. And 499 years from now some fool will blame Neil Armstrong because the moon is a shopping mall.

2. Madonna Books
You’re never going to believe this-she’s not a virgin!

3. Rubbergate
Nobody’s perfect. I accidentally wrote my congressman a $1 million check for his next campaign.

4. Davis Brenner’s Custody Battle
It’s talk show justice. Who needs a judge? Let the audience vote.

5. Recessionwood
Salaries of even the biggest stars are holding steady. It’s that bad. I hear Costner’s taking in laundry.

6. The Atlanta Braves
The Andy Hardys of baseball. Win or lose, no one’s laughing at Chief Knock-a-Homa now.

7. Clint Black and Lisa Hartman
Country hunk to marry former Knots Landing star. Anybody know how to barbecue caviar?

8. Senator Sonny Bono
The end of civilization as we know it.

9. Frankie & Johnnie
Michelle Pfeiffer and Al Pacino as your average, everyday, unglamorous couple in a movie nobody’d see if it starred an everyday, unglamorous couple.

10. Celebrity Abuse
It’s come full circle — now they’re invading our privacy. Don’t we have a right not to know?

11. More JFK Scandals
No wonder he had a bad back. It’s time to drop the conspiracy theory for the jealous-boyfriend theory.

12. “Cats”‘ Ninth Anniversary
That means some sicko out there is seeing it twice.

13. Michael Jackson’s Missing Glove
What else is in this ”museum”? Rembrandt’s socks? Picasso’s sailor shirt? Warhol’s wig?

14. Seinfeld’s Show
No cute children, no semisenile grandparents, no funny officemates. In other words, a surprise hit.

15. The Nobel Prize
It’s people like Nadine Gordimer who keep Danielle Steel and Judith Krantz from winning.