Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet
1. Nude Shakespeare
It’s a beautiful interpretation. It’ll put a thong in your heart.
2. Sami Kinison
Bad Chinese food? I believe that. Because I WAS BORN YESTERDAY!
3. Return to the Blue Lagoon
Why? Did you leave something there?
4. Rick James
Rick do something crazy? Wow, that’d be a first. Can I borrow your pipe?
5. Imelda Marcos
She’ll never go back as long as the Philippines has a law about letting poisonous snakes in the country.
6. Paul Simon’s Free Concert
Free? What about car fare, Paul? Snacks? Who’s paying for that? That’s right, we are, you cheap s.o.b.
7. Mideast Peace
If it works, Bush is going to send James Baker to East L.A.
8. Back-to-School Sales
It’s all books and paper. Never stuff you really need, like condoms and eyeliner.
9. Hot Shots!
A great spoof of Top Gun. Now, if they could only do a funny version of Uncle Buck.
10. Dangerous Breast Implants
Isn’t there something soft they can use that won’t deteriorate over time? Maybe Twinkies?
11. Unlimited Presidential Vacation
It’s when he starts taking ”mental health days” that we should get worried.
12. Super-Soaker Water Rifle
This high-tech squirt gun can soak you at 100 feet. And will. Hasta la vista, baby.
13. Pan American Games
Swimming in Cuba isn’t a sport — it’s practice.
14. Body Parts
Gee, Mr. Freud, what appendage has a mind of its own and gets men into a lot of trouble? Oh, that’s right, the…arm.
15. Princess Stephanie Sings
We were wrong. She can chew gum and sing at the same time.