The Road to Stardom (And the Road Back)
1 You will lip-sync in front of the mirror while the radio is on.
2 You slash your competition’s tires before a big audition.
3 Big break: You expose a body part in a Friday the 13th sequel.
4 You have a scene-stealing supporting role in a TV sitcom, making your more established costars jealous.
5 You’re asked to do an antidrug public service announcement.
6 You headline a benefit for the rain forest. Later you attend Sting’s costume party dressed as an environmentally correct CD package.
7 You win and Emmy
8 You punch paparazzi outside Spago.
9 You have a small part in a Woody Allen film.
10 You’re romantically linked to Julia Roberts or Alec Baldwin.
11 You sing the national anthem at the Super Bowl.
12 You’re the subject of an unauthorized biography.
13 You go on The Arsenio Hall Show and complain about the tabloids.
14 You have a baby, naming it Chynna, Dakota, Max, or Elijah.
15 You win and Oscar
16 You direct
17 You buy a town
18 You turn on Late Night With David Letterman and discover you have become a running gag.
19 You do your memoirs. The publisher tells you to put in more sex.
20 You sing the national anthem at a New Jersey Devils hockey game.
21 You serve as a judge on Star Search
22 You’re romantically linked to either Jill St. John or Robert Wagner.
23 Angela Lansbury asks you to do a small part on Murder, She Wrote.
24 You wave at paparazzi outside Spago.
25 You win a Golden Globe award.
26 At Jamie Farr’s Celebrity Golf Tourney, you’re paired with McLean Stevenson, Larry Linville, and Gabe Kaplan.
27 You go through detox.
28 You’re sentenced to do an antidrug announcement.
29 You get a guest spot on Jerry Lewis’ Labor Day telethon — at 4 a.m.
30 You appear on Into the Night, Starring Rick Dees.
31 You find yourself in a Whatever Happened to…? book.