The 15 hottest topics from March 22, 1991

1 Robert De Niro
He never complains that there aren’t enough good scripts.

2 L.A.P.D.
Lawsuits Are Paid Daily.

3 Good Sports
Funny like a crotch. The sitcom should have been called Anything But Comedy.

4 Tax Preparation
Try this for tax simplification: Form 1 and Form 2. And for extra special cases, Form 3.

5 Teens with Beepers
The dreaded Doogie Howser Syndrome — the brain of a child with the wallet of an adult.

6 Bas-relief Eyebrows
Fashion trend or tragic clippers mistake? What’s the difference?

7 Kuwait City Zoo
Belly up to the bars, boys.

8 Mrs. Evander Holyfield
An unfair fight. She’s hitting below the belt.

9 PC
What’s the difference between being Correct and being Politically Correct? Don’t worry, the PCs will tell you all about it.

10 Psychedelic Nostalgia
I bet I can still fit into my Earth Shoes.

11 Outing
Unsuccessful pots calling famous kettles gay, saying it’s for their own good.

12 Treat Williams
A good actor winds up on TV. Let’s hope Eddie Dodd does better than Williams’ movies.

13 Big Silly Hats
Not just for the Queen Mum anymore. Now anyone can look ridiculous.

14 Homecoming
Where have all the cameras gone, long time passing? Where are all the anchormen, long time ago?

15 New Jack City
First weekend’s gross: 1 dead, 24 wounded.