The 15 hottest topics from March 15, 1991

1 TV Pregnancies
Norville, Vieira, Chung, Shriver, LuPone, and God knows who else. It’s a breeding festival. Television must synchronize biological clocks.

2 Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkopf
Tell me Ultra Slim-Fast hasn’t been trying to get him on the phone for the last three weeks.

3 Worthy Cause Records By Celbrities
Bob Geldof created a monster. From now on, let’s just give the money and forget the music.

4 Christian Brndo
His father was rich and famous and the family had to live on a South Pacific island and in a Beverly Hills mansion. I blame the boy’s environment.

5 Lisa Bonet
Bill Cosby should have dropped her like a hot nose ring a long time ago.

6 St. Patrick’s Day
So whose idea was green beer? It’s about as Irish as an enchilada.

7 Kondoms for Skook Kids
Will we have to give them motel rooms, too?

8 Democratic Backpedaling
”My vote against the war was really a vote for the war. Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

9 Dana Plato
Another hardworking graduate of the Diff’rent Strokes school of hard knocks.

10 Status Chain Letters
Each link writes a short note on business letterhead and adds it to the ever-growing stack. Person with the most name-droppable collection wins.

11 Yanni

12 Neil Simon
Still funny after all these years.

13 American Psycho
The silence of the lamés. Much less than zero.

14 Rocky & Bullwinkle
Oliver Stone obviously missed this part of the ’60s. The fun part.

15 Carolyn Warmus
Any more like the accused Fatal Attraction murder defendant? We need people like her teaching our kids.