''Twin Peaks'' merchandising

As Twin Peaks gets set for its second season, it has become clear that series co-creators David Lynch and Mark Frost have learned at least one thing from Bart Simpson: merchandising. A Lynchian tide of plastic-wrapped postmodern art objects will soon be washing up no a shore near you, including Agent Cooper’s cassette tapes, Laura Palmer’s secret diary, a soundtrack album, and a line of T-shirts. It certainly looks as if Lynch Inc. has its fingers in more pies than Cooper could ever dream of, but writer-cartoonist Ron Hauge thinks they’re overlooking some even more obvious ways to make a buck.

”Leo”-tards
A trendy new ling of ”blood-soaked” apparel

Twin Peaks Lunch Pail
Holds four thermoses of damn fine coffee, plus 2 sections of pie!

Edible Poker Chips? You Bet!
A bite missing from each one!

Official CD’s and Cassettes
Midget Dance Party (Play it backwards!)

Bulletproof Pet Vests

Twin Peaks Phone Lines
1-900-HiDiane, or dial 1-900-I’m Laura

Pet Log
Pull the string — it really talks!