Nick Romano
March 03, 2018 AT 12:10 PM EST

“Even by normal Trump weeks, this was…” Bill Maher began his Real Time opening monologue on Friday. He then paused to contemplate everything that happened this week with President Trump. “I mean, so much crazy sh– happened, I’m just gonna have to go through it chronologically.”

First, Maher dove into the situation with Hope Hicks — Trump’s “work wife, his emotional companion animal” — departing her post as White House communications director. As he put, Hicks got “voted off the island.” Maher further mocked how perfect she and Trump were for each other.

“She was a former model and everything [Trump] says makes you want to throw up,” he said. Meanwhile, Trump’s entire presidency was about “giving hicks hope.” Later, Maher added that now the “prettiest deaf-mute in the West Wing is Jared [Kushner].”

Speaking of Trump’s son-in-law and senior advisor, Maher ranted, “He lost his top security clearance, there’s an Archie Bunker-Meathead thing going on with General Kelly, and, oh, it turns out that every inexplicable f–ked up thing that’s happened in the last year is really because Jared’s trying to get $1.2 million to pay for a building he shouldn’t have bought.”

As reported by The New York Times, Kushner met with bank representatives in the White House last year with talk of possibly giving one of them a government job. While that didn’t happen, Kushner reportedly received $184 million to refinance a skyscraper in Chicago that he owns, as well as an additional loan from another bank.

“I can say this because my mother was Jewish, he’s too stupid to be a Jew,” Maher said. “I want to see his birth certificate.”

The comedian also pointed to former White House aide Rob Porter, talk of White House Security Advisor H.R. McMaster leaving his post, and Trump commenting “I like taking the guns early” in response to the high school shooting in Parkland, Florida. The president further remarked that law enforcement should “take the firearms first and then go to court” when it comes to people considered unfit to carry guns.

“That’s right, Republicans, turns out there is a president who will ignore the Constitution and come for your guns — the one you f–king idiots voted for,” Maher shouted.

But the most “galling” thing Maher heard from Trump this week was POTUS claiming he would “run in there” to Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School when the shooter opened fire on Feb. 14 “even if I didn’t have a weapon.”

“Of course, he was talking about the dressing room at the Miss Teen USA pageant,” the host said.

Watch Maher’s opening monologue above.

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