October 18, 2017 at 03:39 PM EDT

Combine Anthony Napoli, that guy who keeps messaging you on Facebook about his improv shows, and five leather bracelets, and you get Blake Vilanti, the fictional star of the woefully plausible Simon Slays. 

In a cut for time SNL sketch, Beck Bennett portrays the Actor-with-a-capital-A of the fictional CW show as he attempts to fix Earth and also show off his endless collection of hats.

Vilanti begins his quest by rolling up to the beach in a Hummer wearing 1.3 Johnny Depps worth of accessories. There, he asks a renowned meteorologist (Kumail Nanjiani) the important questions.

“So, Doctor. What is the ocean?”

“Okay,” Dr. Khan says. “The ocean is the vast body of salt water that occupies three-fourths of the planet.”

Vilanti looks seriously at the camera, showing off his range as a dramatic actor. “That’s way too much.”

Check out the sketch above and be sure to sign Blake’s online petition to become the next Spider-Man.¬† #Blake4Spiderman

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