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The best jokes from Spike's Alec Baldwin roast

Including some from Bill Clinton!

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Spike TV

SpikeTV’s One Night Only: Alec Baldwin was… strange. Clocking in at two hours, the event was sort of a roast, sort of an earnest celebration, and sort of a best-of clip show from Alec Baldwin’s career. It was weirdly edited, a little random, at times awkward, and definitely missing some people you’d expect to be there. (Where art thou, Tina Fey?)

But still, there were several good moments, a solid number of stars, and plenty of jokes. Even Bill Clinton told a few good zingers! Here are some of the best lines and moments from the evening:

Tracy Morgan: I loved working with Alec! It was the first time — and only time — in my career that I wasn’t the craziest motherf—er on the set.

Tracy Morgan: Alec taught me so much. He taught me about show business, life, how to tell your relatives to f— off when they wanted money…

Jack McBrayer: Alec was a huge movie star! And I know that because he was constantly screaming it at the crew at 30 Rock. [audience laughter] That’s not so much a joke as an anecdote…

Hilaria Baldwin: There are advantages to being married to a man Alec’s age. For one thing, he’s a wonderful grandfather to our children.

Robert De Niro: In 1992 in Glengarry Glen Ross, he played a smug asshole — and he’s never broken character.

Jane Krakowski: [this whole song]

Julianne Moore: It’s amazing; it’s like a superpower: his ability to deliver to the Oscar. It works for everybody… except for him.

Ireland Baldwin: I’m here to roast this big ol’ ham I call my father. Speaking of pigs

Bill Clinton: He’s stuck with a boring former president trapped in a reality-based world. I wouldn’t know an alternative fact if it hit me in the face!

Bill Clinton: In elementary school, he ran for president. I waited until middle school until I tried…

Bill Clinton: He ended up going to Georgetown University, ran for student body president, then came back to New York, where he followed the then classic path from politics into soap operas. And now that we know it works the other way around, you need to think about running again — you’ll probably win the next time!

Alec Baldwin: It couldn’t have been easy for you to get here, coming all the way from obscurity. [camera cuts to Daniel Baldwin]

Alec Baldwin: Jack [McBrayer], it’s such a pleasant surprise seeing you tonight. Like most of America, I thought after 30 Rock I’d never see you again.

Alec Baldwin: It’s always great seeing my brothers. Since they’re here, I have to assume this show is being released direct-to-video.

Alec Baldwin: Tonight has been a very accurate representation of my movies: very underwhelming, but at least I was in them.

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