Yelp reviews have never been so entertaining. As a guest on The Tonight Show Tuesday, Aziz Ansari joined Jimmy Fallon in bringing a dramatic flair to e-rants posted on the website, taking aim at a seriously mad deli customer and a perturbed dentist patient who watched an R-rated movie while getting a cavity filled.
Fallon, getting into character as the deli customer, complained about the $12 chicken parm, “a couple of spoonfuls of baked ziti, and a small piece of Italian bread on a Styrofoam plate.” Then Ansari clapped back, giving a thespian’s touch to the owner.
“You did not receive only one piece of chicken. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life,” he said. “If you wanted more bread, we would’ve given you as much bread as you could shove down your throat. It’s just a deli, not the Olive Garden. Piss off, bro.”
Things got even more dramatic for the final reading of an auto repair shop review, but Fallon had difficulty refocusing the Master of None star, who went on a tangent about boning and how it’s not bleeped on late-night television. “If anyone here is a guest on a late-night talk show, just so you know, boning doesn’t need to be bleeped as far as I know,” Ansari said. “I wonder what’s happening at home right now. Is that getting bleeped? Do they know what I’m saying?”
The comedian then stood up as the disgruntled shop owner in bestowing a verbal smackdown on the reviewer: “Should you ever develop any MANHOOD in your lifetime, you will come to realize this truth: YOU CAN RUN AROUND AND LIE TO EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD, BUT THERE IS ONE PERSON YOU CANNOT LIE TO — AND THAT IS YOURSELF.”
Watch the dramatic readings in the clip above.