Oliver Gettell
May 01, 2017 AT 10:42 PM EDT

Stephen Colbert did not take kindly to President Trump insulting CBS newsman John Dickerson by calling his show Deface the Nation and abruptly ending an Oval Office interview, so the Late Show host fired back on Dickerson’s behalf during his Monday monologue.

“John Dickerson has way too much dignity to trade insults with the president of the United States’ face,” Colbert said. “But I, sir, am no John Dickerson.”

Launching into a withering tirade, Colbert called Trump “the glutton with the button” and “a regular Gorge Washington.”

“You’re the presi-dunce,” he added, “but you’re turning into a real prick-tator. Sir, you attract more skinheads than free Rogaine. You have more people marching against you than cancer. You talk like a sign-language gorilla that got hit in the head.”

Colbert also served up a doozy of a punchline about Trump’s friendly attitude toward Vladimir Putin.

Monday’s Late Show also featured a cold open in which Colbert purportedly sat down for an interview with Trump. Through the magic of editing, Colbert grilled the president on his North Korea plan, his sanity, and his first 100 days in office. The answers were revealing, to say the least:

The Late Show airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on CBS.

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