Stephen Colbert may not have come out and said “golden showers” in his Late Show opening monologue Wednesday night, but he made plenty of pun-filled references.
While discussing the unverified intelligence dossier reportedly given to President Obama and President-elect Donald Trump last week and released Tuesday by BuzzFeed, the comedian addressed some of the report’s more salacious allegations about Trump, which he denied during his Tuesday press conference — the first he’s held in six months.
“Trump is right in this one way,” says Colbert. “Everyone admits this report is unverified. And the man is about to be President of the United States, so I’m not going to validate that report by sharing the most salacious details from it. Even the detail everyone’s talking about, okay? You might call it the, uh, the No. 1 detail.”
What followed is a litany of innuendo, each earning laughs from Colbert’s Ed Sullivan Theatre audience.
“I think this is just an unfortunate leak … that’s making a huge mess. And I know I’m being a wet blanket, but reporting on this is the worst kind of yellow journalism,” he continued. “Even though jokes about this story are a golden opportunity, I just, I won’t do it!”
But he did, working in video of Trump’s plane getting a water salute from emergency service workers, as well as the businessman-turned-politician doing the ice bucket challenge. “Look how happy he is getting soaked by those lovely ladies,” Colbert joked, referencing the two women who pour ice-cold water over Trump for charity.
Acknowledging Trump has denied the allegations, Colbert insisted he isn’t going to joke about the unconfirmed reports, “not even a wee one.”
Watch video Colbert’s monologue below.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on CBS.