You’re The Worst broke our hearts last week when Gretchen dipped out in the middle of the night with her burner phone and her car. But any hope for an answer being revealed in episode 5, “We Can Do Better Than This,” was shot when we jumped right into Jimmy’s new gig.
In fact, there was no mention at all of Gretchen’s sneak-around until the final moments of the show, in which she left. Again. But this time, Jimmy wakes up and knows that she’s gone. When will we find out where she’s sneaking off to? Who the hell is she going to see? And when did You’re The Worst turn into a mystery procedural? We’ve got zero answers and a whole bunch of Worstie rankings ahead. Sucks to be you, Lindsay.
4. Nope, not the worst. Far from it! In fact… least worst: Edgar
Classic Edgar coming in strong as No. 4. Edgar spent the episode fawning over his new improv teacher Dorothy, who says fun things like, “I’m the lone vulva!” when referring to her improv group. He even misses a text from Lindsay who says, “Where are you? I’m drunk.” Instead, he’s telling Dorothy stories about his tour in Iraq, and she seems a little too interested. Alas, Edgar does nothing wrong … except whatever happened in that school.
3. Eh, not great, but could be worse: Jimmy
Jimmy finds a new career as the author of the novelization of NCIS: LA. Turns out everyone’s pretty impressed by this (as they should be considering, Neil Gaiman is one of his new colleagues — shoutout to Neil Gaiman) but he lacks inspiration. He turns to Dorothy’s improv group; he’s totally mesmerized by them and ready to get down with the NCIS: LA show bible. (He also spends some time with the “erotic tales” he wrote when he was 11.)
2. Oof. It gets worse: Gretchen
Before Gretchen left us with question marks hanging over our heads, she had some feminist-fueled hang time with Lindsay. They get together at the fro-yo place but realize they only talk about guys. “Let’s discuss something other than dicks and the dildos they hang off of,” she tells Lindsay. They run through true crime stories (“Post-partum murders are basic”) and gossip about other women before Lindsay declares, “Men have ruined our damn minds!” Yes, this is feminism, Lindsers.
But after a few more friendship-solidifying conversations about dudes (sorry, Bechdel), Gretchen’s back in bed with Jimmy, his erotic tales, and her vibrator. It’s a lovely, little scene in YTW land, but once again Gretchen leaves in the middle of the night and we’re left with infinite questions.
1. Absolute, hands-down, no-questions-asked worst: Lindsay
Even after all that, though, it’s our gal Lindsay who lands at the top of the list. In an attempt to ditch dudes — “Men are mean and they hurt my brain! — and learn about the world, she reads some websites with opinions and then other websites with opposing opinions. Benghazi! Global warming! Thanks, for nothing Oblunder!
It’s Amy and her finger signing for Beyonce (!) that pulls Lindsay out of her pseudo-political funk. (Sorry, Obummer.) Instead she watches Real Housewives with Gretchen and drunk texts Edgar. Sure, that’s a No. 1-landing offense, but we’re giving her this spot for her A+ pronunciation of ISIS.