Every mother remembers the point in their life when she looked at her daughter urinating over the side of a boat on the River Cherwell and thought, “Maybe I put a little too much emphasis on the importance of one day competing in this reality show competition.”
I take that back; that was probably the proudest Shelley has ever been of Nici. The 3-hour long weeping session that took place later may have sounded a few alarm bells, but hey, there’s $1 million and a lot of CBS pride at stake here. I’m not going to judge Nici for her passion. I’d like to think each and every one of us would pee in front of a bunch of strangers, sobbingly inquire the birthplace of Winston Churchill from a whole different group of strangers, and almost cause Phil and Fake Winston Churchill to lose their hearing when we heard we weren’t eliminated if it meant advancing one more leg in the rrrrr-race around the world.
Because we’re super fans. And as super fans, you know I made an egregious error in not explaining in full detail what “the most powerful prize ever given away on The Amazing Race” (settle down, Phil) was revealed to be in last week’s premiere—so sorry! In The Amazing Race’s Silver Jubilee, we’ve been introduced to The Save, awarded to the winner of the Race’s first leg (Misti, Jim, and both sets of gleaming chompers claimed it as their own last week); if Misti and Jim face elimination at any time, they can fork over their Save to be, you know, saved up through the ninth leg of the game. That’s one more leg than usually included in the Express Pass, which I assumed The Save might be taking the place of this season, but au contraire, that little treat is up for grabs tonight.
Misti and Jim the Dentists are first in line to race toward it, leaving the U.S. Virgin Islands to hop a flight to London, where they’ll travel by taxi to the Tower Bridge. There are six spots on the first flight, which of course go to the six teams who finished first on the last leg: Misti and Jim; Tim and Te Jay, the College Sweethearts who say, “we’re petite but we pack a punch,” and that punch is that they keep smoking all the meatheads who could pack actual punches; Kym and Alli the Cyclists, whose delightful attitudes are the only reason I don’t get annoyed that I switch the vowels in their names every time I type them; Brooke and Robbie the Wrestlers who want to use the $1 million to put a wrestling ring in their yard; Adam and Bethany the Surfers who are so cool and nice that Amy and Maya straight up gave Bethany their extra tennis shoes because she lost one of hers last leg.
Everyone has a grand old time waiting to get their tickets, knowing that they’ll be an hour and 20 minutes ahead of the other four teams on the second flight: Shelley and Nici, the Mother/Daughter team who have probably been trying to get on this show since Nici turned 18; Dennis and Isabelle, the Dating Couple whose names I keep forgetting; Keith and Whitney, the Nashville couple who sound like maybe only one of them is from Nashville; and Michael and Scott, the Firefighters who really came out of their shells tonight in terms of their Boston accents, Boston pride, and their torsos getting perhaps even more muscular than they were last week.
When the teams land in London, they’re off on the left side of the road toward the Tower Bridge where a Pearly King and Queen are waiting to give them their next clue. I am enjoying just about everything that comes out of Tim and Te Jay’s mouths; they talk so much and so fast that I can never see who’s saying what, but one of them greeted their clue bearers, “Hi Mr. Pearly King and Queen!” (much like the “Hiiiii Mr. Phil!” from last week…so polite), and one of them offered this in parting: “I love your outfits!” If you didn’t watch, rest assured that the Pearly outfits were spectacular, and make sure that you’re reading those Tim and Te Jay lines totally breathless and like you’re running in one direction with your head turned in the opposite direction.
NEXT: When given the choice between breakfast foods and military training…