‘Weeds’ recap: Nancy goes down the hole
”What the f—?” is right! We left off last time with this simple rhetorical question, posed by a dumbfounded Nancy upon discovering a crater-size hole in her storage room. And 24 minutes after the start of episode 6 of season 4 of Weeds, we still don’t have many answers. But we know one thing to be true: Maternity-store duties aside, Nancy Botwin is in waaaay over her head on this venture.
So how do you ignore an underground railroad being dug beneath your feet? If you’re Nancy Botwin, unknowing (not that it would make much of a difference to a judge) accessory to international crime, you don’t. It only took about 12 seconds for her to stop pacing and climb down into the forbidden tunnel. Through a dusty, chiseled path she wandered, then opened a door into a dingy bathroom, where she discovered Maternity World shopping bags stuffed with pounds upon pounds of pot. Seemingly relieved that it wasn’t something harder (or alive), she continued, unable to satisfy her curiosity with this sneak peek. But what she found at the end of her little journey was far from welcoming.
Meet the Mexican drug lord — a man of few words — who was not at all amused by Nancy’s presence. Fortunately, Guillermo’s partner Cesar also happened to be in the room and was able to vouch for her. ”It’s not like I haven’t been to the garage before; I just came in the back way this time,” she said while they made a swift exit. ”Okay, I think we’re in America now. I have rights.”
Naturally, these thugs care little about Nancy’s rights. With a smuggling plan that’s obviously been in the works for many months, the last thing they need is a nosy suburban novice screwing up their scheme. ”I think it would be wise for you to re-imagine the events of this evening,” Cesar told her. ”You saw nothing.” Nancy’s reply: ”You mean no one.” That’s right.
Back at the homestead, the Botwin boys were prepping for a yard sale to cash in on Bubbie’s few remaining worldly possessions — snow globes for a buck, pipes (the tobacco kind) for four, and murdered-dog collars for five — that is, if Shane could keep scavengers like Doug, Andy, and Celia from getting their grubby little hands on them. As for the dark one himself, he only laid claim to a cigar box, which he would save to carry his future ashes. Of course, Andy, ever the would-be rabbi, had to point out that ”Jews can’t get cremated,” to which Shane replied, ”Technically, I’m not Jewish.” Andy’s retort: ”You are in the Reform movement, and those are all the cool Jews.” I would like to take issue with that, since I came up on the Conservative track, but he’s right — as usual.
Meanwhile, Maternity World continued to operate with Celia and Nancy at the helm. I’m guessing Jenji and crew won’t introduce a subplot about Celia’s binge eating, so we’ll just chalk up those extra pounds and flouncy shirts to bad angles. But back to the storage room: Celia and Nancy started their morning by meeting Señor Ignacio, who’s been put on full-time hole-guarding duty. ”What’s in the hole?” Celia asked with childlike wonder. ”Mexico,” Nancy answered. ”You must never go there…through the hole….You can drive to Mexico whenever you want…just don’t drink the water….Stay away from the hole!” A hilarious exchange, but also a telling one: Nancy’s got the hots for the drug lord. The latest in her never-ending string of bad boys? Kind of makes you wonder if Judah had a dark — or maybe dirty — side.
NEXT: Andy’s criminal plans
Andy and Doug, people-watching pariahs of the beach, were also up to no good. In between calling out girls with a ”yoga ass,” ”tramp stamp,” and ”Madonna arms,” they discussed their own money-making options, with Andy pushing for a career change: to become coyotes. But not smugglers like the prick who brought in Davenport and Marzipan, he explained; they’d be the nice guys, the ”Jet Blue of coyotes: Sun Chips and bottled water, competitive pricing without the rape and extortion.” Doug’s response? ”Let me think about it. I don’t really like Mexicans.”
And the Latino brothers weren’t liking Nancy these days, either. Back at the store, she and Guillermo had another of their now typical need-to-know discussions. Nancy told him, ”When you gave me a tour of the store — here’s the cash register, here’s the back room — you might’ve said, by the way, here’s the tunnel to Mexico. You said nothing.” You’d figure by now Nancy would have learned the fewer questions, the better, but no, she simply had to know more about the mysterious man in the suit. ”You didn’t see a man in the suit,” Guillermo said. ”Anything happens to me, worse is gonna happen to you.”
As for Celia, she’s got it bad too. Though there’s been little to no mention of Captain Till’s ongoing investigation, Isabelle’s return is sure to make life that much more complicated. Turns out Dean is planning a move to Detroit, and Isabelle wanted nothing to do with it. ”I’ve been sleeping in a chair listening to Daddy weep in the next room,” she told her mother at the store. ”This is the first time I’ve been out of the hotel in weeks! He clings, he overshares….” But there was no way around the housing problem, Celia said to Isabelle with a glance to Nancy. ”For the first time in your life, please don’t act like a selfish f—in’ bitch,” Isabelle responded. ”Save me.”
Celia’s way of mulling it over was simple: to drown her misery in a box of cheap wine. Housemate Doug, battling his own depression, joined in, and the two commiserated on the couch. Though sex was out of the question as far as Celia was concerned, they did have something else in common: parenthood. ”Isabelle’s a great kid,” said Doug. ”You can just hang out with her. Wish I’d tried that with my son. Gays are huge chick magnets.” But in a moment of seriousness, Celia laid out a plan: pick up her FEMA check and settle in for a few weeks until she gets evicted.
The next morning brought the Botwin estate sale and a visit by one Yoga Ass (Julie Bowen of Ed and Lost). Up the stairs she went, straight into Silas’ domain, with the drooling duo of Doug and Andy stalking her purposefully, only to learn that she was, in fact, Rad’s mom, Lisa — owner of Cheese Gotta Have It, among other, ahem, assets. With the yard sale and yoga ass in full effect, nobody noticed that Nancy was apprehended by a couple of thugs right outside the house, one in a spot-on Len disguise, and thrown into the back of a trunk. Destination: unknown.
NEXT: Love is all around
When all was said and done, the sale yielded more than $8,000, almost enough for one month’s rent, but plenty to make Doug and Andy feel proud for doing their part. They celebrated on the beach, with beers in hand, only to spot a group of illegals crawling to shore. ”Check out sexy,” Doug remarked upon spotting one girl making her way out of the water. ”She swam in her clothes, she’s a wild hippie….Think she shaves her pits?” While he didn’t have much time to gawk, since border guards descended on the group in due haste, a dopey Doug did manage to get off a few words (”You are like a mermaid — a Mexican mermaid, a mermex”), snap a cell-phone photo, and learn her name (Maria), all before she got handcuffed face down on the sand. Ever the opportunist, Andy seized the moment and told Doug that they could bring her back if they were coyotes. Doesn’t take much more convincing than that to lasso Doug in.
Back at the house, Silas — shirtless, yet again — was greeted by Lisa for the second time that day. Oh, sure, she had a reason for knocking, but it wasn’t the garage-sale item she was looking for. An astute Silas quickly figured out what was really going on and offered to go on a walk. How far did they go? I’m guessing all the way. From MILF weed to full-on MILF action. Silas is having a good summer.
On another parental front, Celia showed up at Dean’s door ready to take Isabelle back. ”I could use the company,” she said to her protesting husband. ”I really need a mom right now,” said Isabelle, ”and Celia said she’d try and find me one.” Sure, Celia was Satan, but it’s the devil she knows.
Also getting to know hell intimately, a disheveled Nancy finally got to see daylight again when Mr. Tall, (very) Dark, and Handsome removed the bag from her head and proceeded to rattle off her biographical information without a stutter. ”You should not have gone through the tunnel; that was a mistake,” he told her with a suave Latin snarl. ”You should not be asking questions about me.” What was in store for Nance? A punishment, perhaps in the form of a ”good, hard spanking.” Somewhere between paralyzing fear and horniness, Nancy didn’t object, but she was saved once again by Cesar, who interrupted the interrogation with an important matter. Nancy’s Spanish might still be shaky, but she thought she knew enough to spot the word kill. Still, she was allowed to head back home through the tunnel just this one time. And when she reached the other side, a revelation: the man in the suit was the same guy pictured on posters all over TJ: Mayor Esteban Reyes. How the plot thickens….
So we’re left with some danglers (Captain Till, Maria the Mexican Mermaid, Marzipan) and a host of new characters and hookups halfway through the season. What’s got you buzzing?