Bravo
January 15, 2018 at 10:00 PM EST

Vanderpump Rules

type
TV Show
genre
Reality
run date
01/07/13
broadcaster
Bravo
seasons
5
Current Status
In Season

Do the Vanderpump Rules cast have neighbors? Because they have some pretty raucous gatherings and it feels like their co-op board or landlord or somebody should be concerned about all the yelling.

We pick right back up at the housewarming party from hell. Lala and Ariana play Brittany the audio that Faith recorded post-sex-in-front-of-her-senior-citizen. First of all, why is Faith recording this? And second, why has no one been concerned about this poor senior citizen who slept through them getting it on? Is she maybe in a coma and therefore couldn’t hear? Like can we get a check-up on this person?

For some reason, the audio cannot be played in the episode so instead we get all the ladies summarizing the file. Basically, Jax tells Faith that he doesn’t wanna get married or have kids and he hasn’t had sex with Brittany in months. This sends Brittany off on a profanity-spewed tirade. Jax runs out and down to Schwartz’s apartment with the guys. He then almost destroys his own phone, which Schwartz thinks is his. Schwartz apparently has been banned from shots but can still get plennnty tanked on beer.

James heads over to Schwartz’s apartment after Brittany’s swearing freaks him out. He’s delicate after all. He then tells the dudes that Ariana and Lala were the ones who played the audio for Brittany. This does not please Sandoval. He is an emotional fella after all. So then Ariana and Kristen come over to see the guys and Sandoval starts yelling at Ariana about showing Brittany the recording when everyone is so drunk. She then gets annoyed he’s defending Jax and runs out. This relationship is already on shaky ground with the whole no sex thing so this is prob not gonna help.

James goes to see Lisa the next day at the Sur offices, which always look like someone has quickly thrown a computer and a desk into a storage closet. Like I think I spied suntan lotion on the shelves. Anyways, James shows up to tell Lisa about his new Tuesday DJ gig, which he has renamed “See You Next Tuesday.” He summarizes the night before, which basically is just him imitating Brittany’s primal yell. Then, he admits that he’s the one who actually stole the recording off Faith’s phone. He apparently took it to the bathroom with him, which is both kinda gross and kinda weird that Faith doesn’t have a code for her phone.

The next morning half the cast — Scheana, Lala, Sandoval, Ariana — is hanging out at Scheana’s apartment. Sandoval and Ariana start having like a massive fight in front of the other women, who seem more than a little uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Jax and Britt have like the exact same fight in their apartment. Both Jax and Sandoval want Brittany and Ariana to take responsibility for what they did. Uhhhhh Jax? This whole shebang is ’cause of you, dude.

Then there’s an interesting but small moment when Lala meets the new hostess, Billie Lee, who reveals she’s trans. Lala is super into Billie because she’s so open and nice and, in her words, has “great t—.” So she def passes the Lala/private jet test. It is super cool though to see a trans person on a major series like Vanderpump Rules.

In preparation for his big new party, James heads to the recording studio with Lala and Sandoval. While I was a little concerned about Lala’s abilities, she’s actually like an okay singer. She’s not Adele but I feel like she’s better than Scheana. Sandoval, for reasons unknown, decides to bring his trumpet. He feels like it’s a real expression of himself. It all feels a little like a VOD version of La La Land.

So it’s finally time for “See You Next Tuesday” at Sur and it’s shockingly a success. I mean Katie and Scheana and Ariana hate it because it’s like nuts and they don’t want to deal with the crowd. Scheana mostly doesn’t want to deal with Katie and the cheating rumors about Rob. She tells Katie that they should both agree to not talk about each other’s relationships. Sure. I give you all 24 hours.

Scheana goes to confront my fave new character, Jen Bush, about the Rob situation. Jen basically confirms that her friend made out with Rob and Scheana acts like she has somehow been vindicated. It’s super confusing. Jen even says she thinks it was probably more “inappropriate” than what Rob told Scheana and Scheana is like, “Yes! Finally the truth!” I think Scheana might have not been listening closely.

Tom and Ariana make up at the end of the night in the alleyway. I miss the Sur alleyway. We have not been spending as much time there as previous seasons. Bring back the Sur alleyway!!

The next day, Britt calls her mother and wears a frosted lip, which I assume is an homage to her mama. She decides to work things out with Jax and forces him to start therapy and change the way he talks to her. Sigh. I feel like I know how this is gonna end.

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