Before we get into the episode, we need to address the steak-size elephant in the room. While hilarious for Tom to trick Sandavol and Jax into eating steak that was once between his own naked butt cheeks, it’s neither sanitary nor a way to show your friends you care. But Sandoval has moved past it (he’s been doing weekly spa sessions with Tom) and so should we…
Ariana and Tom head to Fat Sal’s with Jeremy, Ariana’s baby brother, in tow because he’s the couple’s new houseguest. *Fingers crossed he becomes like Cedric, wearing deep V-neck shirts and asking for money.*
Rolling up in her Rover, Lala joins them to give details on her latest hangout with James “I’m a DJ” Kennedy. Apparently, James has a new woman in his life, and no, it’s not Kristen again (thank gawd). It’s Raquel, the model who also works with kids with special needs. Verdict is still out on why she likes him enough to live with him, but she does refer to him as “perfect,” so that’s a red flag.
Meanwhile in the new and ongoing feud between Scheana and Katie: Loyalties are still in question after Scheana had a friendly sit-down with Lala. As if channeling the war room from Dr. Strangelove, Katie meets with Kristen and Stassi to decide how they should proceed with Scheana’s betrayal.
Scheana must sense this because while she’s at work, Lala tries to strike up a friendly conversation with her and she shoots her down. “I’m friends with Katie and you talking to me just makes me uncomfortable,” Scheana says, causing Lala to gasp. Feeling proud of herself, Scheana texts Kristen and tells her all about shutting down Lala. Kristen immediately reports this back to the girls who all clap and clink their glasses together, satisfied with their friend returning to the fold.
Katie isn’t completely on solid ground with everyone in her life, though; her fiancé is still on the fence about their relationship. Tom decides he should have a therapy session with Dr. Brandi (no relation to Glanville) to talk about his fears of marrying Katie. When she’s drinking, she gets a little too crazy for sweet Tom’s tastes, and he’s afraid that will only get worse if no one tells her. And he doesn’t want to be the one to tell her. But Dr. Brandi challenges him to tell Katie his feelings on her drinking.
When he gets back to their apartment, Katie is in full de-stress mode, coloring in her adult coloring book and drinking wine out of a short glass. Probably not the best moment for Tom to walk in on, but alas, he does tell Katie how he really feels, and of course, it doesn’t go well. “You just dropped a bomb on me,” Katie spits out as she rushes to the kitchen, where she eats large amounts of iceberg lettuce.
NEXT: James goes off on Lisa and Ken. See ya later, Mr. Kennedy.
Because this is the SUR staff and not the Brady Bunch, the Scheana situation isn’t settled yet. Having her main click of four over for drinks, Katie wants to squash the drama with Scheana once and for all, so having Kristen and Stassi on hand seems like the best way to do it. Yeah, okay. Katie asks Scheana to explain what happened with the recent Lala run-in, to which Scheana simply says: “Lala came up to me and was like, ‘Hey, how was your weekend?’” All the girls nod in some silent agreement, as if Lala asking the most basic question was the same as stripping down naked and licking a bottle of LVP Sangria in front of them.
Katie, Kristen, and Stassi congratulate Scheana for really putting her foot down with Lala, and then Stassi decides it would be a good time to give a backhand compliment: “I really don’t mean this in a mean way,” says Stassi, gearing up to throw down. Before she can spit it out, Kristen jumps in and says, “You’re really sensitive, which is the worst thing about you, but also what I love about you.” After the throng of damaging comments end, Scheana forces herself to appear thankful for their feedback. I bet Lala’s question about weekend plans isn’t looking so bad now.
It’s about time we get to James and his recent antics with the SUR staff. While Jax is doing his thing behind the bar and talking to Brittany at the same time, GG, SUR’s latest hostess, drops by to give some feedback on their wonderful friend James. “We hooked up in February,” she shares, reminding everyone James has had a girlfriend since New Year’s. Apparently, the recent blowup James had at PUMP was focused directly at GG, whom he called a “whore” on more than one occasion. Why? No one knows, since James has the brain of Willy Wonka. For added color, James is present in the background the entire time, doing his DJ work while wearing a plaid scarf.
Lala heads over to James’ DJ booth to chat about the GG gossip, but before they can really delve any deeper, Jax pops over to scream in James’ face about how loud he drops F-bombs. Lala scurries away — Jax and James have been known to physically brawl in the past — but thankfully, nothing too insane happens other than James screaming about Pumptinis and Cosmopolitans, as if that would embarrass Jax. Give James some time, though, and he’ll one-up his previous public meltdowns. He stops by the hostess booth to pretend he doesn’t remember the girl he slept with, which raises a silent alarm for Queen Vanderpump to walk in the door.
“Sometimes I walk in and everything’s copacetic, and some nights I walk in and James is being an a—hole,” says Lisa, speaking the truth. She puts James in his place with the simple comment, “You’re not Calvin Harris. Now go back to the little DJ booth.” Instead, James decides to take a shot and scream at Lisa and Ken outside. James isn’t done yet, though, and decides one more insult should be fun.
Threatening to knock Ken down, James essentially puts the last nail in his career coffin. The next day, the hot mess stops by Lisa’s house to hear his punishment. Finally, Lisa has had enough of James and his crocodile tears, and she fires him from all positions on the spot. Don’t worry, though; James will still be waiting in the wings to pretend to be sober and ready for more DJ gigs. Stay strong, Lisa!