Bravo
Amanda Bell
March 20, 2017 AT 10:00 PM EDT

Vanderpump Rules

type
TV Show
genre
Reality
run date
01/07/13
broadcaster
Bravo
seasons
5
Current Status
In Season

It’s a rare day indeed when there’s virtually zero drama happening on Vanderpump Rules, but when it comes to Schwartz and Katie’s wedding, everyone’s on their very best behavior — particularly the bride and groom.

Even Jax is going above and beyond, while Sandoval’s being a major helping hand for all of the fellas, and Lisa Vanderpump is keeping her Stassi slams to an absolute minimum. Apart from a few snags — in the literal and figurative senses — the two head off to be hitched without much of a… well, you know.

Let’s take it from the top!

It’s been pretty clear throughout all of this nuptial prep process that Katie and Schwartz don’t always follow the rules when it comes to tradition. Their destination wedding, a place called Twenty Mile House, will have them saying “I do” in the middle of the woods, but more importantly, their rehearsal dinner is more like a fiesta with tequila and tacos. What did we really expect?

The Bubbas are in full agreement on this theme, at least, and what’s more, they’re having equal amounts of trouble tapping out their wedding vows. How do you say, “Hey sorry for fooling around on you in Vegas that one time and then calling you the ‘b-word’ just a week ago,” anyway? Schwartz has some thinkin’ to do, that’s for sure.

And even though there’s booze a-plenty, and they’re all doing their usual wild-style activities like tubing down a river and chugging beer before breakfast — Sandoval even showed up with 50 cases of beer in his rental car because that’s just how he rolls — they’re keeping it relatively low key all the while. No one’s yelling, no one’s storming out, and every tear that’s shed comes from a happy place instead of some slobbery spitting session. It’s oddly unsettling to see these people getting along so well en masse like this.

Perhaps the calm is owed to the fact that they’re all grown up enough to at least respect their friends’ wedding day, or, in the more likely case, there are just too many actual adults around to allow such madness to happen. Katie’s entire family is there — even her parents, who’ve not been in the same room for four years — and officiant Lisa Vanderpump has come with her husband and colleagues. And thanks to the kind generosity of Sandoval and Jax, Tom’s triplet brothers are even brought into town for the big day. Even though they missed their original flight and don’t have a shred of clothing suitable for the occasion, Sandoval and Jax take point on getting them ready to surprise Tom to tears. The gesture guts him.

“It’s truly the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me,” Schwartz says in reaction to the gift.

All the while, Scheana’s put on the spot about her marriage with Shay by LVP. And despite the fact that Shay’s been giving her the cold shoulder all the while, man alive, this chick can lie. She goes on and on about how they’re back to the newlywed phase — they’re so happy to see each other every day; they’re in a state of marital bliss — but their interactions in the hotel room certainly say otherwise. She says she’s happy Katie will be joining the “Wives’ Club,” Population 1, but from the looks of her own union, things aren’t too peachy on that side of the Newlywedland fence. Her speech should be, erm, interesting.

NEXT: Here comes the bride…

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