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The Vampire Diaries recap: 'Dead Man on Campus'

While Damon explored the Augustine mystery, Bonnie and Jeremy coined a new euphemism

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The Vampire Diaries
Annette Brown/The CW

The Vampire Diaries

TV Show
run date:
Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, Paul Wesley
The CW

This hour had some great moments, such as Stefan catching a suicidal Katherine (which I admittedly rewound). But this episode left me feeling surprisingly underwhelmed considering we got a sex scene. Bonnie has never looked hotter with her short new ‘do, short shorts, and short dress, and lord knows we were all supportive when she practically ripped off Jeremy’s shirt (which magically had no buttons to pop). So why did I find myself squirming a bit during that love scene? It could be that Bonnie reminding us that Jeremy is her best friend’s little brother ruined the mood. Or that it felt too staged with the candles that she now has to light like the rest of us. Or that even though she died to bring this young man back to life, and they’ve been dying to touch one another for months, this doesn’t feel like an epic love yet. And clearly, that scene was supposed to be epic with Bonnie telling Jeremy that her feeling the pain of every dead supernatural being crossing through her to get to The Other Side is worth it to “register for classes” with him. That’s a lot of pressure on young Jeremy. Maybe I was feeling performance anxiety. Let’s dig in.

We opened with Wes giving a restrained Jesse his first bag of “undiluted Augustine blood” via IV. Jesse grew stronger than Wes expected and was able to free himself, grab the blood bag and drink it like a juice box. He ended up biting Wes’ neck but didn’t kill him. That should have been our first clue that, as Wes would ultimately confess to Damon, the good doctor was trying to create a new kind of vampire — one that feeds on fellow vamps instead of humans. (Wasn’t that the Originals’ father, Mikael? Not exactly. Mikael’s taste was a choice. Jesse’s wasn’t.)

Bonnie made her mother a video showing off her new home (“What dorm has a fireplace?!”) and her roommates, who were planning on finally making more than one friend a piece by throwing Bonnie a welcome party. Here’s what I don’t understand: It looked like they ended up throwing the crowded shindig not in their spacious room but in a common area. Don’t residence advisors care if freshmen are drinking outside the privacy of their rooms? Did they compel someone to not see the Jell-O shots Elena ultimately fed to guest Aaron and the bourbon that failed to entice Stefan to make an appearance?

Stefan wasn’t up for a party because he’s too busy having flashbacks to his time spent drowning. He ruined the arms of Damon’s favorite reading chair with his clenched hands. When does Damon read? Granted, that wouldn’t be the most riveting TV, but come on. Also, if Stefan is going to get all sweaty when he’s having these flashbacks in front of the fire, perhaps he could take off his V-neck T-shirt. He kept it on and went to the Grill to drink instead. Matt was there, working hard to ignore Katherine, who was drunk and scaring customers. “You realize every time you say no, it just makes you hotter,” she told him after he denied her another drink. Luckily, he was watching the video of himself possessed by Gregor the Traveler and Katherine speaks Czech. She traded him a translation for booze. She said Matt was “activated,” meaning he had a Traveler, a witch who hitches a ride in someone’s brain like a human parasite, inside him. Katherine guessed Nadia was involved.

NEXT: Jesse enrolls in Vamp 101