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The Vampire Diaries recap: The Cabin in the Woods

Enzo screwed up the plan to hide Elena and Stefan from the Travelers, and the battle for Tyler’s body went just as poorly

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The Vampire Diaries 01
Guy D'Alema/The CW

The Vampire Diaries

TV Show
run date:
Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, Paul Wesley
The CW

After all our favorite characters (and Bonnie) have been through during five seasons, they must be tired. That’s the only way to explain why no one was hustling in this episode when they should have been: Maybe don’t make puppy eyes at each other when you’re trying to find a body so that your friend doesn’t have to permanently leave his? Maybe have the conversation with your ex in the car if you know the people who want your blood now know where you are? Even with those holes, which are the size of the one in Damon’s shirt after ghost Markos impaled him, this was an enjoyable hour. Let’s dig in.

We opened with Tyler waking up to find himself on his back shirtless, chained, and straddled by a woman (Julian’s wife, Maria) who enjoys kissing his torso. If my favorite chenille blanket would have been present, this scene could have been from one of my better dreams. (Disclaimer: I have never actually dreamt about Michael Trevino, but I’m not opposed to it.) Tyler pretended to be passenger Julian, and while Maria talked about Markos being ready to grab the doppelgängers and do the spell to give them a permanent home that day, Tyler forced himself to turn into a wolf — which was hot until his arm broke. Maria’s run for help was a bit of bad acting, and the Travelers are wimps. Wolf Tyler bolted.

Wonder Twin Luke was busy chanting and annoying Damon while trying to do a locator spell to find Enzo. Of course, Luke couldn’t track him ’cause he’s dead. Luckily, Tyler showed up to distract Damon with the story of Markos saying it was game day. Damon, who wore a great V-neck, decided the Salvatore brothers would go on a secret trip with Elena so that Luke could do a masking spell to keep their location hidden from the Travelers. They went to Caroline’s dad’s cabin with as much alcohol as I would bring. We got to see Caroline after she was absent last episode. Thank you. She seemed her usual self — a little annoyed that Elena and Stefan were behaving like flirty old friends. But now Caroline had a Spidey sense. Cue ghost Enzo.

Damon failed to ignore Elena while she unpacked. He apologized for Enzo coming after her and said he’d track Enzo down and get him to apologize to her, too. She made an excuse to leave the room. He knew something was up. Jeremy and Bonnie’s awkward makeout session in her dorm room was interrupted by Jeremy wondering what they were going to do about both the Other Side and Bonnie slipping away. She’s still lying to him about Liv thinking there’s a way to save her. He got the text that Tyler was back, so he went to get his things from somewhere else in the largest dorm room ever while Grams appeared to give Bonnie hell and tell her that people continue to get swept away on the Other Side. She told Bonnie that false hope doesn’t protect Jeremy, it only protects her. Grams was able to knock over a lamp. Get ready to have some fun, Enzo.

NEXT: Never have I ever thought Elena would be that competitive at Charades