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The Vampire Diaries recap: Everyone's Screwed

Professor Shane makes a bold move that yields the formation of an unlikely alliance

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The Vampire Diaries
Tina Rowden/The CW

The Vampire Diaries

TV Show
run date:
Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, Paul Wesley
The CW

It’s a little awkward when the big reveal leading into a commercial break doesn’t feel as big as the writers meant it to be. We got some answers this hour, but we saw them coming early enough that they didn’t feel like the show’s usual twists. Let’s dig in.

We began with a flashback to one year ago, with Shane running from an islander and finding the location of Silas’ burial. Cut to present day: “Congratulations, we made it,” Shane said to himself. (Or to the island?) Who knows how the Scrappy Gang broke him out of jail? (We don’t.) He’s leading an expedition to the cure on this island that’s 200 miles off the Nova Scotia mainland. Shane offered Damon sunscreen. Rebekah gave Elena the evil eye, and Elena tried to stake her. Damon declined to tell Elena if he’d take the cure when it’s found. And Bonnie had THE BEST JOB — she photographed Jeremy’s tattooed torso. Jeremy didn’t mind Bonnie ogling him, and I was fine with it as well. Because we wouldn’t have been able to follow along otherwise, Bonnie had to caress the relevant portion of his mark as she recapped the story of Silas and Qetsiyah.

In case you forgot: Silas asked her for help with a spell for immortality. She made him immortal, then found out he planned to use it on another woman instead of her. She killed that woman and buried immortal Silas alive in a cave. Question: Why does everyone assume this cure is enough for whoever wants to take it and not for, say, just two people? Jeremy wondered what the hunter’s purpose is in all this. According to Shane: Qetsiyah created a cure for immortality and buried it with Silas, hoping that he’d take it and die so he could be with her on the other side for eternity. He wouldn’t do it. “Many centuries later,” her descendants created the hunters to find him, cure him, and kill him.

Back at Elena’s house, Klaus was still trapped there and forced to stare at Kol’s charred body (that’s cruel). Tyler came to visit him, and they argued over whether Klaus’ entire bloodline would be cured if Tyler were to shove the cure down his throat. Tyler thinks once Klaus becomes human, his blood connection to those in his line is severed, so no one turns human and, more importantly, no one dies if they kill human Klaus. I guess from the tears in Klaus’ eyes, we’re supposed to assume Tyler’s theory is correct. Tyler’s not sure how he wants to kill Klaus. Klaus suggested drowning. Low blow, man.

On the island, the hiking began. Rebekah recapped what everyone brings to the table including Elena (nothing) and Damon (“nice behind”). Stefan smiled! Mark your calendars. When night fell, Shane started a ghost story: Centuries after Qetsiyah died, there were miners on the island excavating a well, and they suddenly went mad and bled themselves dry. The legend spread that in exchange for a drop of their blood, they saw visions of their lost loved ones in that well. Sure. Why not Shane had lost his wife and son within months of each other, so he decided to try the well out for himself. Flashback: He cut his hand, bled, and heard his wife’s voice. He lowered himself/fell to the bottom of the well and there, he saw her for a second before he passed out.

Next, in present day, came the first lesson in survival: There are traps on the island. The second? There are islanders who want to shoot an arrow at Jeremy. Elena shoved him out of the way, and before the islander could fire another shot, someone had thrown a hatchet into his back. Someone saved Jeremy’s life. I’m guessing another hunter, mostly because we’ve seen promo shots of next week’s episode in which a hunter, another one of the Five, tortures Damon. The gang came to their camp for the night: A location where college kids had supposedly been drained of their blood during a spring break vacation. (Honestly, serves them right for spring-breaking there.) After Shane made a comment about Damon having the most to lose when they find the cure, Elena had to assure him that her love for him won’t change. She clearly wants him to take the cure. How is that any different from Stefan wanting it for her? Also, I thought we established that Damon ISN’T selfish with Elena any longer. If he stops her from taking the cure, I thought…

NEXT: Caroline returns!