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The Vampire Diaries recap: Guilty Pleasure

Damon was the man of the hour, though Jeremy was monumentally badass for a moment

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Bob Mahoney/The CW

The Vampire Diaries

TV Show
run date:
Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, Paul Wesley
The CW

It was the kiss heard ’round the world. Or, at least in my eight-apartment building. But if you’re like me, you were equally excited when Jeremy decapitated that hot hybrid Tony. This show can’t do explosions, but it can do one helluva good blood splatter! Let’s dig in. (And when you’re done with the recap, be sure to check out our postmortem with EP Julie Plec, who also teases next week’s Damon nudity — remember Ian Somerhalder’s post-Thanksgiving tweet? — and gut-wrenching Stefan-Elena drama.)

We began with Bonnie walking her cleavage to Witch Central and hearing Voldemort hissing. She was led downstairs and saw Klaus’ coffins. She opened one and found Klaus, which is when I decided this was definitely a dream. I’m quick like that. He was clutching the Original Witch’s necklace. There was some creaking, and before we could see who was behind Dream Bonnie, she woke up. Elena was already up and running (and apparently making good time judging by her smile). She turned around to head home and saw a man jogging toward her in a menacing hoodie. She continued running until she thought she’d lost him. Of course she turned around and walked right into him. He apologized and told her to have a nice day. Cut to Elena and Bonnie at the Mystic Grill — where else! — having a conversation about how paranoid Elena is waiting for Klaus to retaliate for their failed plan to kill him and how Bonnie’s Coffin Klaus dream is recurring. Elena suggested the nightmare was witch-related, but Bonnie just thought she was under stress.

How’s Damon doing? He’s at the bar trying to have “brunch in a bottle” with Alaric. “Come on Rick, I can’t drink all this by myself,” he pleaded. “I mean, I can, but then somebody’s gettin’ naked.” (Not a problem, sir!) I thought Damon then purred at the female bartender, but he was just whining “Ohhhh man” at Alaric, who was more interested in grading midterm papers and confronting Jeremy about his plagiarized F effort on the eve of Klausaggedon. Turns out Jeremy was fired from the Grill a week ago, and he’s been spending his time getting drunk and shooting stuff with Alaric’s crossbow in the woods with Tyler. That scene served the purpose of reminding us both how cocky Tyler has become as a hybrid (the only thing that didn’t annoy me about him in this hour was his hair, which looked great), and how a regular hybrid can be killed (cut off his head or rip out his heart). He told Jeremy to take a shot at him, and Tyler caught the arrow. Question: If vamps and hybrids can get drunk, does alcohol also affect their speed and reflexes?

Elena was worried that Jeremy was spiraling after seeing ghosts, having Bonnie break up with him, and losing everyone he cares about but her. She was also worried about Damon since “day drunk” isn’t his most attractive look. “What is my most attractive look?” Damon cooed, sliding up to her and showing incredible restraint with his eyebrows. They didn’t move once. “I’m not saying that you have any attractive look,” she answered. “I’m just saying that this is my least favorite one.” Klaus chose that moment to pop up at the pub with Tony, and you could tell Klaus enjoyed seeing the recognition on Elena’s face. Klaus said he has to find Rebekah (“Cute, blonde bombshell, psycho. Shouldn’t be too hard to find,” Damon offered) and the truth is, he rather fancies Mystic Falls. As long as he gets what he wants and everyone behaves themselves, they can all coexist there peacefully. Elena had his word. He wanted Elena and Damon to help him find Stefan, so he could get back what Stefan stole from him. Elena told him that was a problem between him with Stefan, but Klaus was bringing her into it. Didn’t you love how Damon kept stepping between Elena and Klaus? Swoon. Klaus noticed, too. I fear he’ll use that against Damon…

NEXT: Jeremy’s compelled, Alaric’s hit it by a car, and Stefan’s slapped and staked — a typical Thursday night