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The Vampire Diaries recap: 'Fifty Shades of Grayson'

Secrets of the past cause turmoil in present relationships, and one character could be gone forever

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The Vampire Diaries 510
Bob Mahoney/The CW

The Vampire Diaries

TV Show
run date:
Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder, Paul Wesley
The CW

Although your regular recapper, Mandi Bierly, is out sick, there is one thing I’m fairly certain she and I have in common right about now: Chills. Hers probably aren’t nearly as pleasant as mine, but seriously guys. Chills. The final moments of that mid-season finale had me “Oh my”-ing and crying and gasping and chill-ing. Let’s hurry up and talk about this before my body becomes one big goosebump.

The episode started back in Damon’s cell, where he was repeatedly punching the wall. He looked a little dumb at first, until a chunk of the wall came out and we flashed back to the moment when Aaron dropped a wooden bullet trying to load a gun last week. Damon had a plan. He reached through the cell bars, retrieved the bullet, and then slammed said bullet into his cell’s keyhole using the chunk of wall. Sparks flew, but nothing happened. Yeah, I’m not too good at science and stuff, but even I didn’t see that working. However, frustration was key. Damon kicked the door and voila! He was free.

Back at the Salvatore mansion, Katherine woke up in Stefan’s bed with a smirk on her face (and rightfully so). We only saw the beginning of that evening, but if that was any indication, her night was all kinds of hot. She went to cuddle up on the youngest Salvatore when she noticed a grey hair on the sheets. She was aging fast. In a panic, she ordered Stefan not to turn around as she draped herself in a sheet and ran out of the room. Finally! A realistic morning-after on television!

Katherine ran into Damon at the front door. “What the hell happened to you?” she asked the bloody brother. “Ditto,” he said to the baseball cap-wearing hottie. Katherine quickly informed him that she hadn’t seen Elena, and neither had Stefan. *Insert not-so-subtle hint to sex* But Damon wasn’t up for playing games. He told her to cut to the chase, and the chase was “hot naked bodies collided in one unforgettable night of passion,” as she put it. Damon wanted to barf (but did he really?), so Katherine’s work was done. Off she went in her all-black ensemble.

Still strapped down, Elena found herself in a sea of hair. Wes was examining her. Fun fact: Elena is number 83182! And that’s just about all we learned before Wes knocked her out, so let’s get back to the Salvatore house, shall we?

Damon caught Stefan up on how he had spent his last couple days “oh, you know, being held against my will, shot in the head and now I can’t find Elena.” Long story short, “Dr. Creepy Ken Doll” had Elena, and it was time for Stefan to put his hero hair on. The brothers were teaming up to go get leverage… which looked oddly like a Dr. Creepy Ken Doll miniature. Damon found Aaron hanging on campus. He sat down next to him for my favorite pop quiz of the night: “So your girlfriend is taken by a mad scientist. Now do you A) Get a new girlfriend? B) Call the police or C) Kill someone close to that mad scientist?” Aaron, being a decently smart kid, tried to run, but ran right into Mr. Hero Hair. I do love it when those Salvatore brothers team up, don’t you?

So as her ex-boyfriend and her current boyfriend worked to find her, Elena was left helpless and quite groggy on Wes’ table. He was amazed with how much blood she could lose without losing consciousness. Let me help you out, Wes: It’s not evolution, and it’s not luck. Meet Elena Gilbert, Klaus Mikaelson’s favorite human blood bag. The girl needs basically no blood to function. Call it a gift.

Wes continued his ramblings, but switched the subject from blood loss to Elena’s “heroic vampire friends,” including her horrible boyfriend. He went on about poor Aaron, believing his family was haunted by some death curse his whole life only to find out it was a beautiful blue-eyed vampire that had killed his entire family tree. He asked how a person can justify that. Elena tried to come back by asking him how he could justify what he was doing to her, but he quickly responded, “Science.” The man is confident (and attractive), you have to give him that. He then picked up what I like to call The Scientific Diaries and informed Elena that he was reading out of her father’s journal. Everything he was doing to Elena, he had learned from Grayson Gilbert.

NEXT: Katherine’s answer to anti-aging is … Matt?