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UnREAL recap: Two

Rachel tries to convince Adam to give up another year of his life to reality TV.

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James Dittiger/Lifetime

UnREAL

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
tvpgr:
TV-MA
seasons:
2
run date:
06/01/15
performer:
Shiri Appleby
Producer:
Marti Noxon
broadcaster:
Lifetime
genre:
Drama

Everlasting is recovering after Mary’s suicide. This is a time to reflect, to realize what’s important, and to be the best versions of ourselves. Nope. This is still the time for scheming, cheating, and sabotaging. The cast and crew of Everlasting can do nothing else it seems.

The Mary tribute episode aired to crazy ratings: up 22 percent over the week before. “People should die more often,” Quinn says to a jubilant Brad. He wants to capitalize on this “success” (also known as a DEATH) by having Adam get married on air following the finale. Ever the businesspeople, Chet and Quinn pitch a spin-off on the spot called Royal Love, which would follow Adam and his new bride around the U.K. as they adjusted to married life. Brad says throw in the “Mexican bikini model”—who I believe is actually Brazilian, but they’ve called her Mexican so many times I’m now doubting myself—(“she’ll bring in the Telemundo audience”), and they have a deal. Chet and Quinn say no problem.

Except it’s kind of a problem when you’re deciding people’s futures for them. The showrunners take the offer straight to Adam and Grace. Grace is ON BOARD, but Adam isn’t so sure. When Grace leaves the room, he tells Chet and Quinn that it is absurd to expect him to marry a woman he barely knows. And we know he wants to follow that sentence up with, “and I may love another woman,” but he doesn’t.

After all, just the night before was when Rachel snug into Adam’s room for some serious spooning. Like tweens at a slumber party, they stayed up all night talking. But when Adam tries to turn a foot rub into sex, Rachel rebuffs him: “You have enough toys around here to play with.” And as she leaves his room, she runs right into Jeremy—that other guy she spent all night with this week. Awkward.

Rachel is then brought into the Royal Love plot. Chet says if she can get Adam to agree to the show, then she can be the executive producer (when he says no to her other demands: peace in the Middle East and a sailboat full of ponies). So Rachel goes to her bedmate, assuming he will play ball, and he says no way, Jose. He refuses to give up another year of his life to this charade. Maybe Adam is smarter than we thought? He yells, “You are literally insane if you think I’m going to marry a girl I met three weeks ago on a TV show,” as likely every past Bachelor must have said before him.

And it doesn’t take long for the Royal Love news to make its way around camp. Anna overhears Grace speaking in a British accent to the mirror. Grace, first of all, just because you move to the U.K. does not mean you suddenly get an accent. And two, who actually talks to the mirror like that? When Anna tells her to quit imagining she’ll be Adam’s pick—because “sluts get cut”—Grace rubs the news in Anna’s face.

So Anna runs to Rachel and tells her she should be the wife in Royal Love. Rachel is all about this—probably because she’d rather manage Anna for a year than the ice queen Grace—so she tells Anna she has to be the one to persuade Adam to pick her. (Isn’t that how this show is supposed to work!?)

On this episode’s date, the four remaining women get individual spa treatments with Adam, arranged by one Rachel Goldberg. Sneaky, sneaky Rachel arranged for Grace’s spa treatment to be a dirt burial, during which Grace has a panic attack and runs away. Rachel is able to not-so-subtly mention to Chet that it might be better for Adam to end up with someone not so high strung, someone like Anna. He says he thinks he can sell Brad on Anna.

NEXT: The romances behind the show