I don’t know if any episode of True Blood this season has lived up to its TV-MA LSV rating like this one: We got plenty of NSFW language with the phrase of the hour seeming to be “What the f—?” We got a lot of sex as the vamps high on Bill’s blood fornicated in his front yard and Jason pleasured Violet for the 178th straight night with no reciprocation. And there was substantial violence as Warlow turned inpatient and abusive toward Sookie and ultimately met the true death courtesy of Niall and Jason.
Also, Eric went full frontal, which deserves the creation of a new letter — N will not do. While it would be perfect for Eric to go out sunbathing nude on a remote, snow-covered mountaintop in Sweden after showing us the only part of himself we’ve never seen, I refuse to believe he’s gone. Yes, he burst into flames when Warlow died and the effects of his blood wore off, but let’s think: Pam was on her way to find him. Perhaps she got there in time with a blanket big enough for two and they will have stopped, dropped, and rolled their way down that mountain. Or maybe the flames from Eric melted the snow, which caused an avalanche bringing him down the mountain. There is a ski resort there. (And we can’t lose Eric in a blaze of bad special effects.) The real question, besides what that book was that Eric was reading in his chair, is if Eric intended to commit suicide. Was he so sure the blood wouldn’t wear off, or was he waiting for it to wear off? Let’s back up. This finale won’t go down as one of the show’s best episodes, but it does reboot the series for season 7.
After Terry’s funeral, Alcide and Sookie took a walk that was supposed to remind us what a good, decent, supportive guy Alcide can be. He thought Sookie was just worried because Jason hadn’t shown up for the service. He assured her that Jason is a survivor. Alcide said sometimes he wishes he was a telepath, too, so he’d know what Sookie was thinking. Her mind was the last place he wanted to be, she said. Not true. That tender moment was interrupted when Alcide sniffed vamps. “What the f—?” he asked, as they watched the vampires Bill saved stripping and getting frisky. They were loving the sun, each other, and the grass (hi, Pam, you’re over Eric leaving?). At least Jason was there — carrying Violet on his shoulders.
Sookie insisted Alcide let her investigate alone. The party was in full swing — sex, dancing, deciding who was going on a Target run for croquet and volleyball supplies. Jason was ready to have sex with Violet, who fed on him by a tree. Romantic, really. Sookie came up and Violet bristled. She was finally convinced that Jason did have a sister. “Then you are my sister, too,” she said, and kissed Sookie on the lips. “Sookie, meet Violet. She’s European,” Jason said. Ha. Was inbreeding popular when Violet was young, or does she just think of siblings like Eric and Nora? What had changed Jason’s opinion about Violet claiming him as hers? He felt like someone had his back, the way Bill had always had Sookie’s. Sookie told him to be careful.
After Pam and Tara greeted Sookie, Sookie didn’t go inside to see Bill. She went back to Warlow, who was building the maypole for their union. When night falls, he said, they wrap themselves around the maypole and use their light to make their wedding rings. I could’ve rewound to make sense of that, but why. Sookie told Warlow she would keep her promise about being his but asked to slow the clock down. She asked him to date her. She said Jason, Tara, and Arlene –- her real friends – would accept him. He could be a part of their community. He slapped her across the face and sent her to the ground. Then he lifted her up by the throat. Who does she think she’s talking to? An abusive a–hole, apparently. So much for liking Warlow.
NEXT: Time to save Sookie