This may be the only time I ever type this: I was ready for Eric to put clothes on in this episode. But before I validate my recent title change to EW’s “supernatural sexpert,” let’s resolve last week’s cliffhanger… Jessica died.
Just kidding! She didn’t. Was anyone actually worried? Of course Jason would tackle her in the doorway and save her from fully frying in the sun. A bit crispy, she was about to feed on him when Antonia stopped chanting and Jessica realized that she was not only straddling Jason, she owed him her life. She thanked him with a kiss, and quickly apologized. He reached up and grabbed her, and they made out while Bill screamed her name thinking she was dead. Romantic.
Jason got to carry Jessica back downstairs to the cell like he was in An Officer and a Gentleman, which I doubt he’s ever seen. Even for a teen vampire, that had to be fairly swoonworthy. She was upset seeing the guard she’d killed under the spell, but Bill assured her all guards know the risks of their job and his family would be well compensated. Bill knew they weren’t safe until sunset so Jessica had to be silvered again, which Jason did while trying to get her to think of good things like hot summer days and barbecuing. Oops. He meant the moon, never gettin’ cold, and Tru Blood. Mercifully, Bill told him they needed their rest and he and Jason agreed not to report the death of the guard (for Jessica’s sake) or the injured watchman Jason had shot in the arm in the front yard (for Jason’s sake).
Were you fooled by Jessica’s dream breakup with Hoyt? I thought it was weird that her shirt was that clean. And though it would be awesome to see a main character get killed that swiftly, I didn’t think Jessica would actually slam Hoyt’s head after he said he’d die without her, then go outside with his blood still on her face and get it on with Jason in his truck. Jessica awoke when Rita, a blood donor Bill sent down for her, arrived in a robe. Was the robe so she wouldn’t bleed on her own clothes, or so Jessica could have a choice of where to bite her? I assume the former since Rita sat down and offered her neck.
When Jessica did go home to Hoyt for real, she had changed shirts, obviously. She told him they were each other’s first relationships and they moved too fast. Real Hoyt wasn’t as teary as Dream Hoyt. He thought there was someone else, and when she didn’t immediately deny it, he thought she slept with someone else. He was angry and cruel. He said she didn’t deserve him, and he certainly didn’t deserve someone who was going to be a virgin for eternity. Jessica gasped out of pain — he knew exactly what to say to hurt her. He said he deserved someone he could have a normal life with (kids and daylight), someone who’s not gonna look at all the love he has to offer and say “sorry, not good enough” (which is all he should have said), and someone who isn’t dead. He took back his invitation to the house and told her his mother was right: Maybe God does hate fangers, and now, so does he. He threw a fit inside the house as she sat on the porch and cried. It was a great way to even that playing field for viewers: Now Hoyt’s not the only one who’s been wounded.
Jessica showed up at Jason’s house, which I thought was the worst idea ever. He’s Hoyt’s best friend. The odds of Hoyt coming there, too, were high. Jason managed to get out of his recliner to talk to her, but only to tell her Hoyt’s been his best friend since the first grade, deny he feels the same way she does even though her blood inside him tells her different, and rescind the invitation to his house. She reminded him he’d kissed her back, and he remembered that — it’s why he did push-ups.
NEXT: Shower. Scene.